Wafflings

sad sad place

2010-08-22T04:34:00.000-07:00

im a blubbering mess and shouldnt be writing here but i may feel better

I have divorced my husband, well I have signed and im waiting for him to sign and that will be the end...this is sad in itself..not sure why i feel like this but i do..

he has a new girfriend and my kids have met her and she has bought them things and she did my daughters hair..this makes me sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo angry..

we spoke about introducing the kids to people and decided against it..well thats what i thought..im fucking devastated...I have been so good latley with my confidance and feeling good about myself..but now after this I feel like im back in Feb last year and not wanting to be here..i had to pick them up from his house the arvo and once again I couldnt eben look at him..i was fucking crying for fuck sake....i think Im just jealous...it cant be anything else right?

The thing is, thats really upsetting me is the fact that this new bitch has 2 children....he couldnt even commit back to me, and we had a family for 7 years.....i just wonder what is wrong with me? i must be just a horrible person...i just feel like im ugly and fat and now I'll be left on the shelf....what is it that i just cant be happy in life?

I just want to be happy and share my life with someone....i have no one to talk to when the kids go to bed...

ive been on a few dates..but they never call me back...whuch is good cuz I havent clicked with anyone yet....

ive got such a headache errgghhh...anyway...i'll be right

right?

well thanks for nuthing!!!!!!!

2010-08-15T02:12:00.000-07:00

well whatever..i cant get duramine...wtf??/ apparently Im not FAT enough...thats his opinion...certainly not mine...whatever mate...

my BMI is ok
my height to weight is ok
blah blah blah

so Im gunna go on shakes..starve myself.. im going to the gym in the morning to kane myself on cardio..i have 6 days before my next date and i need to get thinner...noone likes a fat girl and thats exactly what I am.....geez..its hard to lose this last bit of weight...im up and down like a fucking yo yo....71-73..up and down..shits me..im not putting in 100%..only 50% and that aint gunna cut it.

I find out about my new car tomorow..im not hopeful that i will get a loan..but heres hoping!!

2010-08-13T02:06:00.000-07:00

im going to the dr to see if he will give me duramine....or im gunna starve myself

im hopeless

and Im huge

Im fat and ugly

and now depressed

* on a better note..i filed for divorce

free week

2010-07-20T04:56:00.000-07:00

I fucked up this week and now I have to keep going..Im not weighin in..well I did and its not good.

Im joining the gym tomorow...cant wait..I need a professional to help me with the shaping of my body I think....a lot of help is needed. Mind you I dont know when I am gunna find the time to go, what with the kids and all that but I will work sumthing out...

I ate chocolate today..emotional eating..dammit

one of my workmates was talking to a PT and she has said to lose weight you need to eat the following for 4 days

2 eggs
50g chicken
100gm chicken n green vegies
50gm chicken
100gm chicken and grenn veg

hmm..Ive done somthing very similar and the weight does come off...might start that tomorow......

I want to get to 65kilos.

and I fucking will too.

tomorow..

2010-07-19T02:49:00.000-07:00

I'll weigh in
I slept in and jumped right into the shower and ran around like a blu ass fly!!

just smashed it up on my tready I ran at 8.2KPH!!!!!!!! fucking yeah!!!
I did my arm work tonight to..

I'll get there...regardless of what my scales say tomorow....

which by the way is gunna be BIG>>>>>>><>

all good......its a process:)

hmmmm

2010-07-18T03:21:00.000-07:00

what a big weekend I have had with entertaining and its gunna show tomorow with weigh in..so I might not even look...not game really as a set back will just knock me out again.

dam dam and dam.

I am supossed to have tomorow off, but i have to go to the city for a cutting course..dam even more...love my days off..but this is for a great reason.

Still struggling with doing my apprenticeship..Im just really not sure if i want to do it, but then ive come so far..blah blah...my hands a really suffering tho, dermititis, its fucking awful and embarassing, looks terrible..

oh well.

New day tomorow, I will put this weekend behind me and all the wrong foods I ate and the wine i drank....oh man its just getting worse!!!
arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

what else??

2010-07-13T01:10:00.000-07:00

Man...what else can I do to get rid of this FAT...im running and walking twice a day...its just not fast enough...and by the fucking way...NO ONE noticed Im 3kgs lighter FFS...jesus Ive got to lose another 5 for it to be noticable????? Bloody hell

Oh well...JUST KEEP GOING!!!!!

I will to
Food today
cereal banana and tea
almonds
tuna sanga
cuppa vegie soup
apple
tea
baked potato, with extra lite sour cream and sweet chilli an 1 rissole. YUM

Ive done 40mins all up on that fuckin treadmill....still not thin!!!!!

all good...another 2 weeks ill be lighter again...then another 2 weeks and so on and so fourth

Im getting back into bike riding to..I need to get my bike from my ex..will do that on the weekend. Bike riding at least will help more to.

Im even thinking i might join the gym..not sure yet..time is limited

Im also really thinking about work..Im just not sure i want to do it anymore..i do but i dont..I think i really miss being a stay at home mum with the kids and i can thank my fuckhead ex husband for that..while he was earning over 100K..he told me to get a job and start contributing as he had done it for long enough...SELFISH PRICK. we had said i wouldnt go back to work til C was at school...but no, as usual he was always changing the goal posts..FUCKIN ASSHOLE..so now ive missed all this time with my babies..assssshhhoooolllleeeeeeeeee.....
and meanwhile all the money i earned went in DAYCARE...what a fucking idiot.

Men mate..most of them really have no fucking idea. I think he was just jealous i was at home with his children and he was 'working his ass off'...as i heard every second day.

WANKER.

THANK FUCK HE'S OUTTA MY LIFE.

weigh in

2010-07-11T15:34:00.000-07:00

Big deal 700gms again....well i think, my digital numbers are not displaying properly so im guessing...i could take it as 68.3 or 8 but hey i doubt it

so now----69.9 under 70 so thats awesome...not far to go now...thank god.

Ive turned the house upside looking for the warrenty, but as usual i cant find it...dammit, matbe it needs new batteries...i will try that first..hopefully thats it...they are not 12 months old yet.

onward
Food today
cereal
tea
banana
protien shake (half)
tuna on premium
apple
protein shake (half)
brocholi and pasta bake stuff...with cheese in it...yummy

not much more...we have an auction for work tonight, we earned money..monopoly money with services we did and i want a t shirt with our brand of products....heres hoping

other than that that is it.............so far

Keep going keep going!!!

2010-07-10T15:13:00.000-07:00

well I have done 15mins on the tready already...motivated plus!!!!

U wanna know why??? My date was HOT, this guy is training for S.W.A.T in the force..i think thats what it is called out here, anyway, he trains 3 hours...yes HOURS!!! every morning, and then works, then does more running and stuff at night....Holy fuck...I was embarrassed by my own body, wondering what the fuck he was meeting me for????? He has 8% body fat ffs....anyway, gives me motivation to keep going..I love it when you can see slight muscles on women...Im gunna get some hand weights this week...I have read that your muscles have memory, so I hope that mine remember how they used to be and bounce back!!lol

He was a really nice guy to, tall as well, which is good for me, cause Im a giraffe!!lol..he talked non stop and it was awesome...we were at the cafe for 4 hours...awesome... hopefully I will see him again?? The only thing that worries me is that he has only just seperated from his wife, long time coming, like everyone, but hmmmmm not sure there??

So food today
egg on toast
tea
apple

so far...

2010-07-09T16:09:00.000-07:00

Well my date was really, really nice...he was a genuinly nice guy, the conversation flowed really well, we were there for just over 2 hours...just lovely..I would love to be friends with him, no hesitation to hang out...friendship would be awesome...he was just lovely...a true gentleman. oh well we will see...

So food today
cereal, banana, tea
apple
tuna sanga
??
dinner- Brocholi and chicken..

I still havent lost anymore this week...WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?????? GRRRRRR

only 3 to go. and i know i can get there, ive been there, maybe its harder cause in older?? Huh, NO excuse, I ovioulsy just have to work harder.....GREAT! not.

Oh well, just a bit of housework today, then this arvo, im going to do my friends hair..she has a date as well, and then my date tonight...wow...3 dates in 2 weeks...better not have anymore now for a while.....no shortage of men tho..which is good, i just want friendship at the moment anyway.....maybe one day I'll find mr right???? although this time im not settling for shit, hence really getting to know someone first....not gunna rush in like my last 2...........

2010-07-08T17:49:00.000-07:00

No...my son didnt come out..oh well, he reckons Sunday arvo?? we'll see....

so I had a decent breaky today
eggs on toast, cereal and banana and tea.
apple for mid morn
vegie soup for lunch
tuna for mid arvo
brocholi and chicken for dinner.

3kilos to go...3kilos to go...3 kilos to go..............not much but such a lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So my date for tonight is on...we are meeting for hot chocolate....oh how nice...this one is a nice guy I think...not very tall..only 5cm taller than me..dam...and he works in mental health, so hope he is ok..the other one, the copper...is getting grief from his ex..hmmmm, do need that shit thats for sure........he hasnt txt much today so might just leave that one alone for a bit. shame..he seems nice to!!

oh well what will be, will be.....

I just ate a ww choc ice cream bar and it was surprisingly nice...and onlky 2.5 points....haha...

shopping

2010-07-07T21:17:00.000-07:00

againnnnnnnnnnnnnn

shit I have gone through some money on these holidays....

So my son is coming out tonight...well I hope, he was meant to come tues, then wed, so we'll see?? Im cooking his fave dinner...mac and cheese...mm thats good for me!!!! NOT!!! I will have anly a small amount with lots of brocholi
we had maccas for breaky so NO...i wont be ranting again.....

I made a jacket potatoe, with extra lite sour creme and bit of cheese and sweet chilli sauce for lunch
apple for arvo tea then dinner

then stuff meself again on that tready...30mins again, i might break it up into 15min slots though, i get very bored easily.

i hate food.
i love exercise.

So i havent heard from my date on Friday night...maybe he is not keen on going out...no drama, Im going out with another one on sat night..hes a police officer, so this will be interesting!! lol

I tell these men im only after friendship for now...never know I may like someone eventually.

Cant stand my ex husband and its getting worse...hes a right fuckhead....losing his control, and boo hoo he doesnt like it...he came over the other day, with 6 beers. he proceeded to put them in the fridge and then drink 4 within 20mins...he wouldnt fucking go home, my friend came out to pick her daughter up and he still fucking hung round...i had to tell him I had to get organised for dinner,so he got the hint..then he tried to cuddle and kiss me!!! FUCK OFFF, serfously, how can they be so fucking stupid???????????????????????????????????

drives me insane...how the fuck i lasted so long with him is beyond me????????????????

still fat.....

rant coming

2010-07-07T02:53:00.000-07:00

Im so mad with myself....

I ate chocolate today and now im annoyed with myself................i just needed something sweet!!!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Ive just stuffed myself on the treadmill by doing 7.2kph running, and walking at 6kph....then i get off and look in the mirror and fucking want to VOMMIT...now ive got a headache and feel sick cause i pushed myself to hard....

Im sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Fat

AND I WILL NEVER BE SKINNY ENOUGH.

rants not finished but i feel sick so im going..............................................................................

fat fat fat fat fat fat fat yuk

.....

2010-07-06T16:18:00.000-07:00

i ran for a full 5mins!!! doesnt seem much..but to me thats awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So im having an all protien today

Food
eggs
tea
tea
ham
tuna
chicken
cheese
tea

we'll see how it goes.......

Just gotta keep exercising....only 3-4kilos to go....

I'll get there..

Edit,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Na, didnt like all protien...to structured....so i had a ham, cheese and tomato roll for lunch and crumpets for morning tea... I think i do better if i just do it my way......i will run/walk again tonight......I was looking at my old measurements...I have 8cms to lose off my hips....shit thats heaps.....and another 5cm of me waist.....been there before so im not worried.

all in good time!

weigh in

2010-07-05T14:14:00.000-07:00

Well I better, Im not gunna miss a week all together..

So 70.6kilos....loss = 700gms....BIG DEAL...but better than yesterday i spose. still shit considering all that im doing..

Food today
tea
cereal
banana
so far............

went to the shops and now i have to write what I had for lunch...
a hotdog and a skinny milkshake....oh no!!!!!!

then a friend casme round for a coffee and of course she bought a lamington cake with cream..I had a small slice, so i didnt appear rude, but you know what..before i could eat a lot of fresh cream, but today it tasted off to me..it wasnt as it was made today, but i think my taste buds have changed??

then i had vegies and chicken balls for dinner.

I think i need a lot more protien in my diet..my friend and i were talking and she has done the body trim thing and she thinks I need protien at every meal and only protien for my snacks, so im gunna change my diet a little.

Im not skinny enough...but then again will I ever be?

not today

2010-07-04T14:41:00.000-07:00

Im spitting the dummy and not weighin in...Im fucking disgusted..how can I go from 69-1 allllllllll week, then bang back to 71.1 today...so NO, im not weighin in today.

Not sure where i am going wrong..maybe still to much food?

So today
tea
cereal with banana
apple
vegie soup
skinny hot choc and 2 scotch finger bisc........thats bad Im sure.
almonds
brocholi for dinner.

No more bread
No more cheese
No pizza at all

and exercise 2 times a day.

So annoying...1 step forward and always 3 steps back.

OMG...WTF??????????????????????

2010-07-03T15:36:00.000-07:00

OMG....I am up on the scales...HEAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck...weigh in tomorow...just when I think Im doing ok...I think it must have been the fact that i didnt drink water yesterday and I had 2 pieces of pizza...they were small ffs!!!!

AHHHHHHHH...anyway.....we'll see in the morning when I have to record it...dammit...just when I think im going so well!!!!!!!!

So food today
tea
cereal
water
banana
water
brocholi for lunch
apple
vegies for dinner as well.
water
water
water!!!!!!

Plus I'll do my tready tonight and i will drink a lot of water...I HAVE TO BE IN THE 69'S TOMOROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

still there

2010-07-03T01:03:00.000-07:00

still the same weight...yay
food
eggs and toast
tea
banana
crumpet
apple diet pepsi..(yuk)
half a can of chicken and veg soup...yuk
2sm slices of pizza and salad
tea

So my date went ok, it only went for an hour...good way to start though. This guy is soooo a player, he was txting like crazy all week and ringing me, and then today 2 txts....exactly what he did to my friend..how funny..well he can hit the curb, I even had to buy my own drink!!!! Thats what he did to my friend to!! lol Im meeting another one next week, in a public place of course, good way to make new friends.

he was nice enough..nothing to write home about and probably a friend only..all good.

I didnt do my tready yesterday, but will do it soon tonight......not much more to lose now....2-3 kilos....yay..now just have to tone up!

*done* 25mins on my tready

69.1

2010-07-01T15:07:00.000-07:00

into the 60's....for now!!!!

So, my date is tonight and all the excitement has now gone......my friend had a date last night and guess who she saw...my date with another woman...all good and I didnt really mind, but he told me he had a meeting in the city...man I can pick em!...anyway he reckons it was his financial advisor..blah, blah, I just feel sick now to think how to get out of anything after the date...I will go tonight for just 2 hours and tell him friends only....fuck this is where I think its better to be on my own......stupid husband's fault, least i new him...8years...anyway... see what happens.

after tonight Im gunna cancel my dating site profile....not worth the hasstle, u dont know what ur getting into??????????? awful.

Foods awesome, exercise is awesome, weightloss attitude awseome...all good, I'll be back at 67 in no time.

Love it when a plan comes together.

well....I had a fillet of fish for lunch...will that hurt??? hmmmmm no chips tho!!!!! yayayay

going great...still!!

2010-06-30T23:28:00.000-07:00

fucking awesome!!!!

I am going so well...Im now up to 6kph on the tready for 25mins...food is awesome...practically nuthing...but in a good way......

food today
2crumpets w honey
tea
tea
apple
salmon sanga
1 butternut bicki
vegies for dinner..

My x hadda drop M off today...this is after txting me last night how it is my fucking fault he went on a date...whatever...and other stuff that I wont share...but a bit nasty..i ignored the txt as I dont even care enough to banter on txt message anymore...(good for me!)

well.....he brang her home and wanted to kiss me and cuddle me...WTF???? I think he has lost it...wants a booty call and I aint it Im afraid.....ewww, it was just awful, nevr mind...he'll get the message when he knows I went on a date....poor bastard...

Meanwhile, the guy Im going out with tomorow txts me all the time and rings ect..its good, I hope we get on in 'real' life...we'll see, tomorow night is the date..Im very excited to, should be good to go out and be with different company. all good

weightloss is so going to get there...its a little slow but Im working on it...my tummy is still fucking yuk...but..Im doing something and in time it will not be so fucking yuk....hopefully!!

lovin it

2010-06-29T23:37:00.000-07:00

70.1this morning...almost to the 60's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

food
cereal
banana
healthy choice meal
hot choc and a few chicken crimpy's
vegies for dinner.

I will do my tready later...

if i can...Im so tired, up all night chatting on msm....not good..
Looking forward to Fri night...cant wait actually...then Ive got my silly x husband asking me out to dinner....WTF??? Ummmm N.O.
get it?????

Ive got my outfit sorted, what Im gunna drink, what Im gunna do and say...all organised:)

good one

2010-06-28T20:15:00.000-07:00

Shouldda weighed in today... 70.8...in the 70's at least..
keep going!!

went to the shops this morning...i need a nice top for my date on Fri...do u think I can find one?? I tried on a few but I still look fucking fat!!!..Its my tummy...im all middle heavy..grrrrrrr....so need toning...but Im starting and Im doing something right?

later

Food today
eggs on toast
tea
diet coke
banana
tea
jarrah hot choc and 2 bickies
vegies and quiche

I love quiche

I didnt need any lunch today...well after my shopping outing and the clothes still looking yuk, is it any wonder...I havent done me tready yet...will in a minute, need dinner to settle.

Getting a bit excited about my date..I have been tlking to hima and he seems nice...we'll see. they allll seem nice...we seem to have a lot in common, so thats a start, his star sign doesnt match mine..does that matter???? prob not...

weigh in

2010-06-27T14:22:00.000-07:00

200gm!!!!!!!!!! hardly worth it....wonder where im goin wrong?? i think its because i lost lots last week.... so annoying...to think how much i did and all the bad stuff i havnt eaten in 3 weeks!!!

oh well, all good i thought iwas going to gain this week....i'll keep going, im dtermined!!

im on 2 weeks holiday now and i intend to go back to work and they really notice a change, Im gunna work my ass off. literally!!!

Food today
banana, apple and tea
almonds
alfredo lite stuff. ( frozen meal)
7 malt sticks.
vegies and chicken...(brocholi and zuchini)

Exercise
25mins stroll on tready while talking to me beatie and then 25mins @5.6 with a bit of running in there too!!!

Now I think the time has come for some strength training, I want my legs to shape up and look less like shicken legs...you know flabby up the top and pins down the bottom, Im blessed with skinny ankles..pheww
So I will start doing leg lifts, squats, tippy toe lift thingy's and squats...that will get me legs back to normal.

And I want to buy some hand weights...Big W has them, but I dont have a spare 60bucks atm..all good, Ive done without them for this long..

IM ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DETERMINATED.....LOL

weigh in tomorow

2010-06-26T15:03:00.000-07:00

...and Im not hopeful...Ive been so good and exercising and no chocolate, no takeaway...nothing bad and I just had a look on the scales and I was 71.7????? HUH??????? thats more than last week??? W..T..F??????????????????????????

Well Im not discouraged, I will weigh in and record in the morning...*sigh*

Food today
tea
cereal and skim milk
tea and 2 bisc...
crab lasagne and salad mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
apple
chicken breast and 1 bread.

So I did 20mins at 5.8kph tonight...loving it!!!!! I'll move this fat eventually:) Just really need to tone!!

I have a date on Friday night to!! yay..would you believe it with a guy with the same name and job as my ex, same height to...how funny..just as friends and I said we would meet for only a couple of hours....should be nice...payback is a bitch.

weigh in tomorow....I dont think I lose, actually I think I'll GAIN..but determined..shit I got a date on fri!!

Just. Keep. Going!!!!

No free day tomorow either...

no chocolate!!

2010-06-26T00:52:00.000-07:00

Going GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

went out for tea last night with work, I had a steak and salad with a few chips...so good!!!

Food today

eggs on toast and tea

banana

tea

salmon sanga

apple

vegies sanga with sweet chilli and cheese. YUM

way to much bread today..but I'll have none tomorow.

I have done 36mins on the treadmil and I did 1min RUNNNG!!! Im on fire...still hating the way I look and I took photos this morning..YUK..will put them up in a min. well, they're not grose, and I should be greaful I only have 5kilos to go, but still, its annoying when I got all healthy and slim and I let it all go...Dam!!!

going to the movies tonight with me beastie..not sure whats on yet?

how depressing

2010-06-24T04:59:00.000-07:00

Man, Im eating nuthing bad, no junk, NO CHOCOLATE which is HUGE for me, Im getting on that DREADMILL and I looked on the scales this morning and I was back to 71.4 WTF?????

Bloody hell, I know its been only 10 days..(a fucking record for me) and Im still looking FAT....man I have good days and bad days..like now, Its 10pm and Im starved!!! geez...GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR..I'll get there..deternimation baby!!!!

Food today

Cearal
tea
banana
chicken ceasar salad
apple
chicken and veg soup
tea and 2 bickies

AND THATS IT FFS!!!!!

ah well...Im off to bed now, Im not watching my fave show Medium so I can get up in the morning and get on my tredmill...Ive been putting it off but I think its getting to that time where I have to RUN on it...fucking great!

feelin better

2010-06-23T02:26:00.000-07:00

Getting better, had a good chat with my husband..I'll stay civil and friends, he wants it like it was, living seperatly but being faithful ect...NOT, thats not how I wish to live my life so no way, thats not marriage to to me so time to keep moving on.

My appitite is back, but now I dont want to eat much, Im determined to get thin so I'll keep going

food
cereal
tea
apple
salad with pork chop
banana
tea and 1 bicki
brocholi and pumpkin toasted sanga with cheese.
tea

I was back up to 70.9 this morning, but thats ok...Ive got til next Monday to lose this week. all good..geez Im exercising and eating hardly anything there better be results next week as well!!!

Im actually cold tonight and finding it a bit hard to get on my treadmill, but im gunna ring my bestie later so we'll talk for at least an hour so I'll walk and talk

all good

*update*...did a 30mins stroll on the tready while talking to my friend...better than nothing

dropping off

2010-06-21T15:03:00.000-07:00

well Im trying to make sure I eat but I just dont have an appetite, I dropped down to 70.5kilos this morning..now Im afraid Im not losing it the right way..I guess I just have to force myself to eat.

Now the nerves have started again in the morning, always in the early hours when I wake up and my tummy just churns with nerves..I dont want to go through all this again, Ive been there before because of him..bloody hell I wanted to kill myself..I cant go through that again and neither can my parents...

I have to drop the kids off to him this morning and Ive asked him not to come down, I just cant look at him at the moment....I will get better though..I just have to keep telling myself that he didnt want to burden himself with me, he has said his house is his, he only wanst to be finacially responsible for his 2 children ect...I'll be strong. and he dropped Pep like a hot potoato....

So food today
1/2 cup of tea..Im not even enjoying that now
small bowl of cereal
banana and rice cakes
apple
brocholi and pumpkin on toast for dinner..I bought some chick breast and I'll try to cook that but I doubt I will.

well I cooked pork chops instead and managed one of those. Ive just done 20mins of fast walking to..Im feeling better, I sent a text of what I was feeling and he just said our personallitys clash..whatever..I think my nerves in the morning are just cause Im scared of what is around the corner..Ive been comfortable with the same man for 8 years and now I have to start all over again....but it will be fine, I will stay friends with him and be civil for the children, but it will be hard and Im a jealous person, but that will pass.

I have a lot to offer and deep down I am a nice person. Someone will apreciate me one day..3rd time lucky eh?

weigh in

2010-06-20T14:16:00.000-07:00

A GREAT start to my week that ended awfully!!!

71.3kgs!!!! yayayay1.8kg lost.. Now Im thinking that because I lost my appetite yesterday, that might have had a lot to do with it?? Doesnt matter, Im not having a free day today..I have a mission so I will stick to plan.

Food today
coffee
apple
4 rice cakes with peanut butter
banana
brocholi and pumpkin on a multigrain toast with weet chilli sauce.
plus a tea and coffee thrown in somewhere and a 30 min walk.

I did 30mins yesterday each time i was on the phone, so it wasnt a fast walk but I guess as long as Im moving its all good...I have pushed my training up a notch..not yet. Im still unfit so it should be fine for a little bit yet.

I didnt sleep very well last night..just things going through my mind with my ex husband I think.. Seems he can easily move on, and its like the last 8 years have meant nothing...funny thing is I never really felt loved by him..probabay I was right all along...he'd rather shack up with a girlfriend and not really work on his family....oh well all good, I'll feel better as the days goes on.

Im back on the dating site and have my eye on one guy, so might meet up with him soon..I just want to meet new friends really, not into a relationship..I dont move on that fast..

Ive done the vacumning and washed the floors and my house is tidy, groceries done to I went to Spotlight and got a nice single bed doona cover..hippy like of course for the back cupbourds, Ive got the stereo on them and they are so old and ugly, so that will cover it up well, I cant afford new ones yet so the olds ones it is!

The husband rang this morning and was talking to the kids, I just kept saying I didnt need to talk but M put him on anyway..I was very cool and calm and icey, he wants me to drop them over on my way to work in the morning..so Im like.."fine' No worries', sure thing' then I handed the phone to M, I only have to be civil..then I drove past his house and he came out to his balconia, I ignored him...then going to the shops I drove past, didnt need to, but again I looked straight a head and IGNORED him,he was siting out there at this time.. mind you it sent a tear to my eye, but he got the message Im sure, he actually looked a little deflated, maybe its just my wishful thinking.

*sigh* it will get better and I will get stronger..I already am, but I will get stronger still!

chocolate would normally beckon

2010-06-19T21:56:00.001-07:00

Sooooo, my friends went out last night and its my weekend with the littlies so I couldnt go..while they were waiting at the door to get in they met up with this girl who was waiting by herself..so they decide to chat with her...turns out she's meeting sn old school friend, shes single, hes single blah blah...my friends ask if he has any single friends..girls says come up with me and we'll find out..long story short the girl was meeting up with MY HUSBAND..fuck, it didnt take him long.. Im really upset by this and I really dont know why?? He treated me like shit..I hate him so why be upset?? Normally I would eat, but Ive lost my appetite. to be honest its made me want to go out and date myself...fuck him, he can move on quickly...

Anyway.. I dont know why Im upset really?

food
2 toast with baked beans
coffee
apple
2 rice cakes with a bit of peanut butter.
coffee
I had 1 toast with pumpkin and brocholi and a bit of sw Chilli sauce for dinner
coffee

10mins on treadmill this morning
Ive done 30mins all up on the treadmill today.

Weigh in tomorow..Im sorta excited, dont think Im in for a big loss as usual..but if it is at least 500gm I spose. too fucking slow

*sigh* this feeling will pass I know

day 6

2010-06-18T14:55:00.000-07:00

I was so tempted to get on those scales this morning.. but I didnt, Im having a morning off from the tready, maybe a day...dont want to burn out to fast, I'll see how I go this arvo..I'll probably feel guilty so I'll get on there anyway...we'll see??

food today
2 toast with baked beans..need a bit more fibre I think, my body isnt co-operating with my new plan yet!
coffee
banana
quiches from last night
10 rice crackers
tea
lamb chop and potato, lettuce, beetroot and cheese
milo and 2 bickie
apple

last day of the working week today.... Im on hols soon 2 weeks and i cant wait!

I wish weightloss was faster with the results, I know its only been 6 days, but its just awful seeing myself in the mirror, but instead of whinging how fat I am and look I turn it into a positve by saying, that im now doing something now, not just wishing I would do something.

In a months time Im sure I'll start seeing some results:)

*edit* yep I went on the tready...mum rang so I took the op to get on and did 35mins...only doing 2-3k ph..but its better than nuthing!!!!!

its 9.30pm, not tired..need to find some more good blogs to read..I only read one...the fab
Chris...whom one day when i go to NZ I can catch up with!!

I did 3 ladies layered haircuts today and I didnt wreck any of them!! lol I had to cut a 10yo's hair, from the butt to just where a bra strap would be..I was freaking a bit but thought it would be ok as it will fall all messy and have body etc..then the mum asked if I could fucking straighten it!!!! WHEN I FINISHED... Arrgghhhh que major freak out..you see, you either cut it straight if you straighten it everyday, or cut it in natural fall. obviously straightening is better cause its perfect hair..hard to explain if you are not a hairdresser...(and I dont mean that condescending either)..anyway, I scarily got my GHD and thought..OMG its gunna show ALL the mistakes...and u know what?? It was actually good..I couldnt believe it!! All I had to do was texturize it through the bottom. awesome:)

anyway..raving for the sake of it...bored and alone on a sat night!!lol.. Ive had a milo. but I feel like a cup of tea:)

Nite

day five

2010-06-18T02:03:00.000-07:00

Still going great...5 days in a row...Fuck Im good!!!!

Food today
egg on toast
coffee
apple
chicken and veg soup and 2 slices of multi grain bread
10 rice crackers
crustless quiche
coffee
milo and 1 bickie

30 mins done all ready, broken up to two lots...

Sooo busy today, I had to do a concave bob..my bos was flat out so Icouldnt really get a lot of help, client loved it tho so thats the main thing, we got hammered with appointment and my boss had to do my male cuts and her own..i felt bad, but shit im still learning and Im slow..perhaps not the best cut for me on a friday arvo...but ah well..all good.

day four...

2010-06-17T04:42:00.000-07:00

15minute walk this morning which Im glad I did as I worked alllllll day til 9pm, and Im just not gunna get anymore done....no drama...in the morning again.. I cant believe Ive done 4 days in a fucking row!!!! AWESOME OR WHAT!!!!

Food today
egg on toast and coffee
banana
diet yogurt
tea
chicken and vegie leftovers
apple
10 rice crackers
tea 2 bickies
milo

No dinner as I worked late and I had 2 bickies with a cuppa at work in my break.

Didnt drink as much water today..bit busy at work

ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and I still havent weighed myself, might have to have a little look in the morning??

On another downer note, my son moved out last week as I have said before..well he is in a youth hostel type deal and has a curfew and seems to be looked after I guess...so what has he gone and done ONE day after he moved in officially?????.....

.....been caught FIGHTING in the city AGAIN...so he has ANOTHER court appearence to go to....fan FUCKIN tastic...I give up... Ive had enough..he's on his own Im afraid..I done all I can for him at the moment.

day 3

2010-06-15T14:31:00.000-07:00

Im all organised for today food wise

Food
2 eggs, 2 mushrooms, 1 slice of cheese
coffee
banana
10 rice crackers
carrot and cucumber sticks
apple
chow mein and multigrain roll
chicken and veges.

Ive done 15mins on me tready already and another 15tonight

Im doing good people:)

later...

So end of the day, Ive done another 15mins on my dreadmill...can u believe it???? Shit I cant, well I can cause Im on a mission now.

I have not weighed myself in the mornings since Monday...this is a big deal, as I usually hop on every morning and every night this is BIG!!! I dont want to weigh til next Monday..we'll see huh..

Ive still got a long way to go as I sit here and all my belly is contorted and rolling over my pants, but you know what? thats ok, Ive made a start and its one day at a time:)

day 2

2010-06-14T21:20:00.000-07:00

going great!

I only did 10mins so far on my tready as I slept in....ahh day off its ok, so I have another 20mins to go tonight. all good.

I went to the shops with my mum, bought some more clothes for the the kids, some jeans for me...still a size 14 but thats ok, my attitude has change and Im gunna get back to normal.

mum had a coffee and I had a skim hot choc...yummmmmoooooooooo, only thing it was made with real melted chocolate..i didnt know that when I ordered it though...doesnt matter...we didnt have anything to eat..yaya for me!

Food so far
diet yogurt
cuppa tea
banana

skim hot choc
apple

10 rice crackers

chicken and veg soup. edit...

then tonight Ive got enough chicken stirfry left over from last night. (I had 2 pieces of toast as well, I will have to get some multi grain bread)

all good:)

*more drivel*
I did another 20mins on my tready and Im very proud of myself, I know its early days, but Im going to succeed again at something:)

Must say, its a bit hard to walk on my tready with a still sore toe..I wonder how long it will take to heal? I hope my toenail wont fall off, I think it will thoug, least its winter and it will be covered in shoes....yuk, I think I might have done a little bit of nerve damage, as when Im walking I get pins and needles sometimes running up me toe...dammit

weigh in

2010-06-13T15:10:00.001-07:00

A loss is a loss I guess

400grams, not much but its something

Just did 15mins on my treadmill and will do another 15 tonight.

3.1kilos to go to my first goal.

easy

Great day so far...have to get back on the treadmill later..i will..promise to myself.

food today
eggs and mushrooms with a slice of cheese mixed thru
herbal tea

chicken and vegie soup
diet yogurt
coffee

10 rice crackers

chicken and vegie stirfry..cant wait as Im a little hungry!!

coffee later.

excellent.

I did the groceries so Im all stocked up on good foods, bought the new WW mag for inspiration so thats all good.

3.1 to go to my first goal...I can do it again I know it. Im uncomfy cause my clothes are smaller, so thats motivation there. once I get down to between 68-70 I will start weights again to.

I want to tone right up again and get back to the yummy mummy I was !!!!lmao

Oh and I joined the online dating thing yesterday and took it off this arvo...dont think Im quite ready yet:)

EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did another 15 mins on my tready...woot!!!

still

2010-06-12T17:04:00.000-07:00

yep still hating myself, the week hasnt gone that well, Im hopeless, but anyway, today is a new day.

My son came home yesterday to get his things, we took him out for dinner and then I took him to his refuge house...OMG, cant believe its come to this but, hey, it will make him happier I hope, he looks empty and not very happy and it goes to show how I have failed him as a mother, and no matter what anyone says i will ALWAYS blame myself for how he has turned out, it IS my fault as I made some terrible desissions and very selfish decissions...well hopefully not again.

Anyway, moving on..its no wonder I hate myself...

I wont even go into the new thoghts of losing weight this week, its pathetic I need something new every week and fail every week...what the fuck is wrong with me? Im a joke. but I will try and try again..no one will wnat a fat chick and one day I want a new man..but then again I deserve to be alone, until I get myself right theres no point trying to let anyone else in.

Going out with girlfriends this morning, lunch and a movie, will be good.

I'll pick my littlies up this arvo, thier weekend with their father, thurs thru to sun, a great break from me and at least they dont only have my influence to fuck them up... Hopefully Im doing a better job on the other 3?

work has been very quiet, the new senior quit yesterday, just sent a text and said she would no longer be coming..bitch, put us out for the day...anyway good ridance, she was hopeless.

a new one starts next week..we are hopefull;)

Sooo, I went to the movies, had a nice little crustless quiche and salad for lunch, went to get my littlies, my husband has had another haircut..bit of an insult really, he looked good and smelt even better, after watching the movie I was emotional and ended up giving him a cuddle, no kiss, but of course my eyes welled up, and its an emotional time at the moment, I think the fact that N has moved out at 16 and the realization of no more marriage ect, ect, Im a little bit of a mess at the the present time...never mind, all will be good.

I had a shake for dinner and a carrot. apple and coffee for breakfast and mudcake, small slice.

Iv filled my ipod with lots of songs and all the old ones I used when I use to run to so I need to get motivated..Im just about to go for a walk on it.

I WILL GET THIN, THE THINNER THE BETTER...LET ME SEE HOW FAR I CAN GO.

boring day

2010-06-10T04:25:00.000-07:00

I started at 1pm today...it was as dead as....sooooooo boring...tomorows not much better...end of fin ancial year makes a difference to...erghhh yuk, i hate doin nothing. I did put 3 foils into my booses fringe before we left so thats good...hope its ok!! will see in the morning...

my hands are so sore...they are sore and dry and cracked....i really dont know what else to try hey, i have tried everything for dermitits..everything..the were bleeding today, everytime i bent my hands..just terrible...even me boss said she hadbt seen them as bad..

anyway, had a few slip ups today with food..no drama, tomorows a new day..i have been pretty good, considering..im really trying, so 1 point to me i guess.

Nothing else, just waiting for Meduim to start. wish I had her gift:)

2010-06-08T02:16:00.000-07:00

food
shake
coffee
banana
salad with egg and small bit of feta
apple
tea and a bicky
ww side dish
cashews
cupa soup
coffee

I did weigh myself and just after cutting out all shit yesterday and having the fresh food I was 71.6 this morning...now I know this is water weight, but geez almost 2kilos down?? I'll try not to weigh in the morning as its gunna be more, but thats OK.

I now have 5 weeks to finish my upsstyle book....eeeekkkkkkk, 5 weeks?????? I am on holidays soon..sooooooooooo good!!!!!!!!!

New week...again

2010-06-06T19:55:00.000-07:00

I have woken up determined again...like every other Monday but Im gunna do it this time.

I weighed in, and I wasnt going to put it on here but Ive got to be accountalbe and do the right thing this time... I havent been this weight for about 2years or more and its disgusting....for me that is....remembering how good I was before with the treadmill and the weights and running...I have let myself down and gotten out of control..eating all the wrong things and not caring about it or myself...well not anymore..I really need to take a course of action, not only for my health and well being but I just have to start giving a shit about myself.

I went shopping today as I hav C cause I dont work today, we always go shopping, he loves it and so do I.. I bought some clothes for the girls and some 'skinny's' for C..they are the cutest, I bought a pair of black pants and a pot for my parsley seeds.. I also went into my most favourite shop in the world..(at the moment!!lol) LOOT, I bought a hippy bag and this cool hippy friendship braclet...and I got some Tibetan Prayer flags..love them...I also went to Spotlight to get some 'hippy' fabric to make a shoulder bag, I got this awesome fabric, then bought the new shoulder bag...doesnt matter, I can make the other bag anytime.. I found my cutting board so Im extremly happy about that!! Didnt want to pay $33 for a new one..

My son sent me a message and apparently he has seen Centrelink and is moving into somewhere tonight?? Im annoyed that a 16yo can just move out...what sort of life is he going to have..least he message me and I know he is sorta safe right?

So Im eating nothing but fresh food starting today and shakes and Im going to weigh in only once a week...well I'll try, i still weigh everyday and everynight, so I'll have to wean myself off that.

I'll write all my food down evry day and at the end of that day I'll put it here.

Fresh vegies, fruit, shakes and lots more water. A day off each week and a chocolate only on that day. As for alcohol, I dont really drink a lot, but if anything only when I go out with the girls once in a while.

And Im walking on that treadmill too...I will make myself do it.

back..
food
shake
coffee
chicken salad with small amount of feta
apple
diet oragne fizzy
coffee and small bit of bday cake
cuppa tea.

i had a meeting tonight so no dinner.

M is as sick as, vomitting and the runs..touch wood she hasnt vomitted in about an hour..please, please, please let that be all...then P was brushing her teeth and Bleerrrr..vomitted..dammit..I dont do 'sick'..Im not exactly all, whats the word??? Im a bit cold...it comes down to the fact Im scared myself to get sick..Im freakin out now cause the bug is in the house... I know that sounds awful, but its just me...

I spoke to Nick...he actually phoned me..all is ok, he has a shared house and it has a youth worker ect to help out, he seems happy enough to do that, so I will accept it, plus that takes more pressure off me, not knowing where he is or if Im gunna get a call at 2am in the morning that he is drunk ect.. I am taking him out for dinner on sat night with mum and dad and P. The litlies are at their dads...we have shared care, every thursday night and friday they are at his and then every second sat night as well. works well. Gives me a break. and the love tyheir dad A LOT...usually to the point they cry when I get them...very disheartening for me, but its ok..

:(

2010-06-06T05:08:00.000-07:00

Funny day...I had my daughters party..it was good, my mum and dad came and her dad and his parents..it was all civil and friendly..on my part anyway..i dont want to be friendly..i want to say totally get fucked you asshole for all what u have done..but hey its not worth it..I made his mum say hello first to me though..she fucking shits me....fucking mummy's boy she raised...surly they can see what he has done is wrong?? probably not...who cares anyway...Im over it.

My son turned 16 today and this is where it goes horribly wrong..on one hand I had a good day with the party, but on the other hand, my first born, turned 16..noone has heard from him..he spent this day god knows where and with god knows who.. i just feel like a total failure to him..we never really got along and things have just spiralled out of control since I left up there and I wonder if I wasnt so selfish and just grinned and beared it up there and not left, he wouldnt be doing all what he is doing..everything at his disposal here, the big city and all that comes with it, for the last 12 months I have totally lost him...he dropped out of high school, started stealing, hanging out with all the wrong people, police involvement, court appearences, youth justice conferences, community service...what is next?? it upsets me so much to think..I dont want him in jail, or dead???

To top a bad off I weighed myself this morning and I fucking died..Im not even saying what it was...I just must hate myself so much on the inside, I dont have any respect for myself..and I wonder why no one else does huh..Im so eating myself to an obivion.. I went to a party last night and I had a photo taken with my friend and OMG....disgusting...Im huge and I really cant deny it anymore, so once again I am going to go back to my shakes in the morning....all I can do is try, to be honest I dont care about myself at the moment as Ive pretty much fucked every aspect of my life up so..we'll see...why cant I do the opposite and starve myself in these trying times??

2010-06-04T04:02:00.000-07:00

Not a lot happening...

I did foils and a haircut last night and it turned out!! I was freaking out, really, and I dont know why!!?? I really need to get some faith in myself...hair cutting is coming along.. I did an increase layer cut today, now worries, my boss is back from holidays and I had 30mins before my client came in for her appointment and SHE MADE ME DO IT!! So good though, cause I dont have a chance to freak out or try and hide out the back...and I did it in time, yiu know what tho? I might noit be perfect, but Im getting better every day:)

Im doing Barrell curls now..Im sick of frikken french rolls at the moment I need a change!

Oh, and Im officially single... I told my so called husband we are heading for divorce and I dont want to see him anymore...Im not his girlfriend, or o fucking booty call....long story and to be honest its not worth going into how the last 14months have been going.. lets just say, he bought a house 2 months after I left from up there, after he hit me...we got back together, not living together as it was HIS house, um...he would NEVER live with my eldest son again and he dropped P like a hot potoato after being her father figure for 7 years...anyway she hates him now and thats fine by me. Lots more involved but who cares really.

So now I dont have the controllong influence anymore, I should be able to move forward and be a better mother and a better apprentice...no pressure on me now. He can get fucked totally.... should have been done months ago..but as usual I live in hope...nup, not this time... he has shown himself in his true colours for the last time.

Moving on..I know I wont be on my own forever...might take a few years, or more but eventually I will find someone worthy of me:)

shopping

2010-05-30T21:42:00.000-07:00

So funny...I went and got the layby for Ms bday...I had put it on layby 2 weeks ago and while I was there I found a few things for C for Xmas and one of the things was this Toy Story Buzz thing that talks and stuff if you shake it...wellllllllllll It was all wrapped up and then when I started moving off woth the trolly the fucking thing spoke and C was beside himself...oh shit...I'll never pick up laybys again with children !!!!!!! hahahahaha so funny...he 'll for get about it by xmas...my xmas stash is looking so healthy to date... last year I didnt really get anything throughout the year... Im prepared this year thats for sure.

I heard back from one kids mum this morning.so thats good...lucky I was home though..I did put on the invites to call AFTER HOURS???????? Dont people read stuff?????? Hmmm NOT.

not much else at the moment.

Diet can get stuffed...not worried atm. It will come off eventually:)

My Acai optimum just arrived...finally.. I actually had an argument with one of the operaters this morning as I had got them... only one lot, still waiting on the Colen clense one...dunno bout that one either?

I organised my linen cupbourd today...now my room, the family room and kids rooms to go...phew............

48hous??? really????

2010-05-30T03:43:00.000-07:00

Had a great night....we went out for dinner and then to dance, dance dance...it was awesome.. I was told by a younger guy I was gorgeous with awesome hair...hehe...nice for the ego:)

I went to the chemist to see about the 48hour detox, its looks ok, not much onfo...Im just a bit nervous about what its gunna do to me..... I probably havent mentioned this befor but Im paranoid about getting sick with vomitting and diareha..(dont know how to spell it)..to the point I get panic attacks if I think Im sick when I wake up in the morning...long story but I could never get sick as a mother or wife..my fuckhead husband wouldnt let me..longer story, but Im soooooooooooooooo scared to get sick its nearly a phobia...silly I know... but i get quite funny and think all these awful things are happening to me and I almost faint..but its all in my head....Fucked up I KNOW......
.......So back to this detox, Im just to scared to do it, incase I get sick or the runs!!..hmmm I'll think about it some more.

Another thing....after looking at everyone out last night... I am not gunna be to obsessed about the way I look any longer. Im sick of it and there are all shapes and sizes in this world and mines average...yep, Ide like to be thin and toned, but seriously...life is short.

anyway......I am going to pick up M bday pressies tomorow...I have got her HEAPS!!!! lol...too much but I dont mind....your only 7 once:)

My eldest son is moving out apparently... Im very upset about this, we dont get along, but hes just to young to really know what hes doing....hes been talking to mum and dad...hasnt rung me or seen me since last Sat.... I must be such a horrible mother figure to him, to actually hate me that much.......:(

weigh in

2010-05-28T02:38:00.000-07:00

Oh shit..didnt go so well..lol 72-6...DOH!!!!lol ah well next week:)

Been a bit quiet at work..I did an unreal french roll/barrel curl upstyle today...left me camera at work, but I'll try and remember it tomorow..assessment I hope.

I did my 2nd concave bob, first on unassisted yesterday..fucking scary and I think she wanted it a tad shorter but Im not scissor happy yet...I'll get there ;)

Me toe is all but better, a little sore..not broken, did i say that already? went to the Dr..all good..just ugly.

I was working with another girl today and she went on the 48hour detox..Im gunna do that to..get it on the weekend...

Not much else... going out tomorow night..very exciting, well sorta. I have nuthing to wear cause Im to fat and I havent been out for ages..........should be good. I intend to drink..not much. but just enough to relax and be able to chat to people...Im a little shy around new people...( I know, who would have thought) only in a 'going out' situation..as I can chat away at work to new people everyday????? weird..I guess Ive always been nervous like that...oh well...Im sure alcohol will help:)

Havent seen or heard from my son since last Sat...little shithead, he has spoken to my dad and he said he sounded a bit down..is it any wonder??

fucking hell...sooooooo stupid what he is doing............ he was caught in the city riding trains with no tickets...lovely....I went terribly wrong somewhere.

this will be interesting

2010-05-25T00:21:00.000-07:00

I ordered and am waiting for Acai Optimim and colan something or other....meant to be some breakthrough weight loss and feel good potion...we'll see, I tried to do as much research as possible, but they only really tell you what they want you to know.. apparently you can lose shit load of weight cause your coloan gets all clogged up and eww yuk...just sounds gross. I'll document it and see how I go?? I'll try anything once...specially as this weight is just ugly and depressing at the moment....*sigh* meanwhile I KNOW i need to get off me ass and it will help.

Moving on

I went to Tafe today all day...cool, like going there, although my mind is scrambled from all the concentrating...finished the colour book today...and did more french rolls...dont know how I managed to get my other one to assessment standard as I couldnt get it there today...grrr

Quiche is in the oven as we speak..I LOVE quiche..its one of my faves..well I have many, but love quiche!

C has a terrible sore tummy as he has been coughing for days...poor lil fella...hate when they are unwell....

Did I tell you I nearly broke my big toe??/ well I did, on Friday arvo, I dropped the sign from the shop on it, clean slipped outta me hands...ouch alright, havent been able to walk and its black, was swollen but thats gone down now....Im gunna lose my toenail..which is a real shit as I hate that look and I always have painted toes...good thing it is winter so I can wear closed in shoes.....DAMMIT!!!! I took a photo but my feet are ugly..well ALL feet are ugly..I hate feet..when I was working as a nail Tech I never did pedicures!!lol fucking YUK!!!!!!!!!!!!

yea...Na

2010-05-24T04:21:00.000-07:00

Id love to have a little botox...but hmmmmmmmmmm.....really??? look at our poor lil Kylie...

Bloody Mondays....

2010-05-23T19:42:00.000-07:00

Im hopeless on Mondays...foodwise I mean...actually Im hopeless unless Im in a controlled environment like at work!!

C and I went shopping this morning, I got new clothes..yippeeeeee, and I got slippers for P, couldnt find slippers for me or C...he didnt like the little uggies I wanted for him..never mind...M still has slippies that fir so she's taken care of.

Then I did the groceries..hmm not good when your hungry, so C and came home and had party pies and marty sauce. yummo, cept for the 'meat' I scraped all of it out by the last 2...yukky, I ate 4...

I have a scrummy lamb roast in the slow cooker now..cant wait...nice big lot of vegies with that to...yummmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

later

Im off to book M oarty at Maccas, did you know you have to do it all online now??? hmmm, dont like that Idea..anyway....later

weigh in

2010-05-22T14:47:00.000-07:00

Well after the week of trying to behave I lost 900grams, thats fine Im going for slowly, slowly does it I think,if I can get to 68kilos that will be great...Im not bothered by how long it takes either...no rush, just as long as it comes off huh?

Nice day today, lots ofwashing to catch up on as it was raining for the last few days, housework to do as usual, but I have two days off so thats awesome..

I did my first 1/2 head of foils yesterday, cut and blowdry...all good, it took me around 40-45mins to do the foils but thats ok, I did 2 colours alternating to...nice way to start off foiling I guess, something a bit challenging..all good..the more I do the faster I'll be and the better at it I'll be...Im feeling a little more confident now with the way I speak and its probably just faking it till I make but, but its a good way to build up I guess.

later

bliss

2010-05-19T19:38:00.000-07:00

A day off...a thursday at that!!!!! so that means no thursday night trading...yerrrr harrrrr:)
When I go senior...which is only 14months away!!! I am not working thursday nights!!!! no way nno how...if they dont like, well kiss my ass Im senior and I can get a job ANYWHERE!!!!!! Hairdressers are alawys in demand so good!!!!!

Im doing foils now on headblocks, just getting my courage up to takle real people..I can do it, it just takes a little longer, but more practice and I'll be faster..my friend wants 1/2 a head of foils so I should practice on her..she's fussy though and will prob say NO!!lol...we'll see:)

Im cooking my dad dinner tonight, he is home byhimself tonight cause my mum will be at work...its his bday, so I thought that would me lovely! it will only be the older 2 and myself, my littlies are at their fathers til Sat arvo this week.

P and I are going out with said friend to a nice dinner, this restaurant is in the city and you choose all the ingredients yourself and they cook it in front of you..awesome..cant wait:)

weighed meself this morning...72.1kilos..a little better..not worried, dont care...it will come off... 200grams a week for all I care...it will come off though. I'll be patient.

Im not joing the dating site just yet....kids are to young....maybe next year...all at school then...meanwhile we are going out next Sat with the girls...cant wait...you never know whos out and about!!!!! I'll meet someone eventually.

Never ending

2010-05-18T04:02:00.000-07:00

My son got caught again today for shoplifting in Myer..over $100 worth...jesus christ Im sick of this shit, he missed his course start date...which was on Monday and I was talking to the Senior Detective..whom Ive had dealings with for over 12months, we're great friends!! (lol) and as we were talking he got file handed to him and low and behold,,,,,,,,he is my son again..Photos....SQATTING, for fuck sake in the city...W.T.FUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK???? Unrealllllllll, he has a home here, food, a bed, clothes...everything....I might not be rolling in money but my children get what they need...soooooooooooo, he has another courst appearance...its just a joke..I need an hour to tell it all over the last 12 months but there is just to much, so that will do...more mess for me to deal with..more stress to go through...honestly..how much is one person suppossed to take????????
any wonder I eat......Im sooo stressed out on the inside..I hide it so well to..its good... but I wish my stressing starved me...it doesnt I go the other way...shame really..never mind, Im not dead or terminally ill and Im trying to be positive

Im joining a dating site soon..someone out there will love me Im sure., cant just be this in life... I long to get married again and have everything my way and my dad is gunna walk me down the isle and Im gunna be surounded by friends and family...didnt have the wedding I wanted the first time so maybe next time will be lucky. Could take 10years, but it will be worth it. Id just love to share my life with someone that loved me totally, that would be so nice.

work was a little slow today, we did no colour at all...can you imagine..man weird..I watched our new senior today do a uniform mens haircut today..really good..learning something everyday is great.

Food was ok...not good though..its ok...I run to the cupboard when Im sad, or angry, or anything really..shame.

some good news...........

2010-05-17T03:02:00.000-07:00

I got signed off for my Mens Modules today...this means Im competent in all my mens haircuts, short back and sides, med length, long length, and a flat top...freaking awesome!!!!

Food today

I wont complain
tea
crumpet with honey
tea
salad with cheese
slice of quiche
toast with egg and vegie omelette

lots of eggs today....all good.....

I reckon the minute I stop hating myself and all thats going on around my life I reckon I could get somewhere...I wish I could just not eat... not think about food..nothing..im stressed enough but this doesnt help my weighloss efforts...in fact it is the opposite, I eat shit to feel better...what a fucking joke!

ahhhh.....I weighed myself today
72.8...WTF?????????????? Jesuse Im back to what I was fucking 3years ago...not wuite as bad as whaen I had my last child...that was 82...fuck, Im on my way there though...and I still dont fucking care...WHY???????/ Maybe I need fucking counselling?? think I have thunkeded this before, probably do me the world of good, I need to like myself and what I do and how I mother my kids and do my job.....one day

If I did the shake thing and commited to that for a month Ide be where I want to be... I decided this morning that I will be happy at 68kilos.... I would love to be 65kilos, but fucking hell, lets face it, Im getting old..Im lazy and I like my food...dam shame that is... I though this blog would help me out with being accountable and all that, but nup, didnt happen.... Im just like a fucking broken record, so I apologise in advance for all the shit I write...its getting boring!!

hmm

2010-05-16T02:49:00.000-07:00

no good news this weekend..food fucking sucked..Im not gunna bother trying anymore, Im destined to be fat I reckon...I eat shit alllll weekend and then feel the guilt..its so pathetic...I even thought of joing ww online again....it helped me once before...what the fuck is it??? I CANT GET INTO THE RIGHT MINDSET???????? FUCK>>FUCK>>>>FUCK IT..

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

the end.

I piss myself off.

another day

2010-05-12T03:12:00.000-07:00

Had an ok day at work...forgot to say yestaday..my teacher finally marked off my French roll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been struggling with this for aggggggggggggggggggggggggggggesssssssssss, fucking MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!! you see I have NO patience..(surprise surprise?) lol anyway one upstyle down about 7 to go................GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I dont like upstying very much, probably cause I suck!!!lol....seriously, I NEVER think Im good at anything...but you know what, I am!! and I will get better!! there, there is some positivity!

Food..not bad...could be better
cereal
tea
salad...with cheese and ham in it.
4 rice cakes with vegemite
chicken parmi...from the freezer!! and potatoes.

Oh and I had chocolate today.

I had flat top training tonight..well I went to watch, I have to do the mens cutting book assessment and I need to do a flat top...they are quite easy (to watch)..but Im not sure how I will go..I have done a few steps of one but hmmm we'll see...Im thinking of giving my 4yo one in the morning???? if he will keep still that is, I bought a full size mirror for my cutting at home..so much easier...its funny, I cant cut cut wothout a mirror now..lol

I was happy at work today as a guy came in today and asked for a blended mowhawk with a 3 blade on the sides and back..I was thinking to myself..fuck!! this would FREAK me out totally and ide be running for the back room a few months ago, but today, as I was cutting, I was actually creating art, if that makes sense...here's me, cutting this guys hair, he has come in and put his faith in me as a hairdresser and I have done my job, I created his style and he said it was awesome!! so proud of myself in that moment...cause as you might guess, Im VERY down on myself and never think anything I do is good enough..but today, that haircut, I did it and felt good about it.

but on the other hand

a lady came in and wanted a Jane fonda, flip out style, I did the best I could, but I dont think i styled it quite the way she was expecting, I asked her a few times if she was happy and she thanked me and said yep, she was, but I think I could have done better...but I guess this is how I learn...I used to HATE it when a man walked in, god, I would freak out and try and hide and, shit, I was soooo scared, now, I dont mind, I just do it, I feel confidant doing pretty much any mans style..well within reason, Im not a senior, but I think I work well ..(on mens cuts) to where Im up to.

Now my point is, I was scared till I kept going with mens cutting and now Im not so ladies cuts will be the same..I just want to be the best cutter..I love cutting..colour not so much, but I guess Im learning, so that will come to..

phew... the end!

I actually did

2010-05-11T04:12:00.000-07:00

....some great work today...believe it or not!!! mind you it came with some yukky news, but again, I wont go into that....it was my friend that came into the salon..some news..but anyway moving on

I did an awesome colour, I did a panel of bright violet on one side and the I did that same colour through the back... my fucking camera is not responding to my computer, but I want to put piccys up......yeah 30mins later...stupid thing..anyway how cool does that look!!!!!

I was really busy today, I did 2 ladies haircuts and then 2 colour jobs....I actually felt really confidant this arvo, maybe cause she was my friend, but I felt really comfy and I was chatty and it was really good..no pressure maybe, the new senior was there and another senior I dont work with very often, it was really good...good day.....

Food was not bad, I did eat 2 donuts while I was cooking dinner.

points today

cereal and skim milk

tea

banana

salad with cheese

2 donuts

satay chicken and greens.

tea.

Not bad

shit no water though...really got to work on that......

2010-05-10T05:26:00.000-07:00

did my sewing, but they were to big and I had to put elastic in the waistband, which still worked so that was ok.....food sucked, but hey...who cares..i have a lot more unhappiness to worry about weight...i will still behave but I think Im finally working it out

1 I dont like my situation
I dont like my job as Im to scared to fuck hair up
I am not happy with my mothering skills...or lack of
I am not happy with my relationship statas...again soooo much more to that and I cant really say on here
I think Im simply so unhappy within everything i do I just hate myself..it such a shame, I try to be positive cause lets face it, Im healthy, thank the universe, my kids are all healthy, again, thank god...I really have NOTHing to be unhappy for...But I just am.....I lead such a double life, I pretend everyday..
anyway..enough of that..im sure it wont be like this forever and I wont be in my situation forever....

back to work tomorow, our new senior comes in tomorow, this will be fun...i dont do well with change and stuff, she will be lovely Im sure.

I did a client on Sat, she had a cut, colour and 5 foils through the top...I did pretty good, she was happy so thats the main thing..

anyway 10.30pm...Im soooooo tired

nite

Mothers day

2010-05-09T03:50:00.000-07:00

come and gone again.....mine was really good til I got home............ anyway...I dont talk about my husband on here so I wont start........................dont worry we are still seperated.

We went into the city and had a picnic at the park, the kids loved it and had fun allll day...was great...we then went back to mum and dads and mum cut out my pants...didnt get her to make them...I want to do that tomorow..achieve something..so I am going to get off here and do me housework so I have a clear morning tomorow...

we'll see

didnt do especially well with food today...not worried, back into a new healthy day tomorow....dont ya hate when you see photos and they are alll fat and stuff...yeukkkk.

til then:)

no sewing today!

2010-05-06T00:01:00.000-07:00

I cut my pattern out today... i had alllllll intentions of making my harem pants and low and behold...NO CUTTING board......jesus...I cant cut out fabric with pinning all the pins in and all that fuss and bother..my cutting board is so much easier...I thought I bought a new one but I turned the house upside down and inside out and got as mad as...no patience you see...GRRRRRRR... anyway not to worry, good excuse to give it to mum...she will whip them up in no time...probably 1hour...she is a dressmaker you see and when she sews they look like they are bought from the shops...never mind, I'll ask her on Sunday after she gets the coffee machine..hehe, then she cant say no!!

Im not gunna crap on anymore about fat or weight or what I eat or what I dont...Im bored with it...I know what Im gunna do and I'll weigh in once a month...(here) still fucking obsessed enough to weigh everyday and night...Im just gunna do a tried and tested weight thing and go from there...I am setting a realistic goal to....65kilos is really pushing it and lets face it Im not 20 anymore, I need tone, not bone...skinnny I will never do so I'll be sensible..

my kids are obsessed with Avatar...so cute, they run around hissing and then in a wheelchair made from a trolly of blocks and a mower...the call it the "blue' movie...lol how funny is that... i have to keep saying avatar as I dont want them going out to school saying we watch blue movies at home!!!!! shame!!!hehe...i love it when the set up alll the old baby sheets and lay down and cover themselve to go into sleep mode to then change to the avatars...love it:)

well well

2010-05-05T02:13:00.000-07:00

Yep weighed in...not sharing...not good...enough said.

soooooooooooooooo

I went SHOPPING!!!! nothing like spending a heap of money to make you feel better!!

I bought
black Harem pants...which by the way are very slimming...due to the fact that everything is hidden under them!!!!!! love it

I bought not one but 2 coffee machines!!! yep 2!! but one is for my mum for mothers day...my dad rang and wanted me to go and have a look..so I did and then I got talking to the lady sales assisitant...as I do...im very chatty:)... and it was such a good deal I had to have one......makes cappacino...spelling??...skim milk of course!! its a sunbeam one and its cooooool. the kids can give it to me!

I bought a buddah painting for my now Bali inspired lounge room, I have a new lounge, coffee table and entertainment unit that are thai looking...if that makes sense

I then went to Spotlight...my fave shop...and bought a harem pants pattern and some fabric...I never have time to sew but I am making time soon?

I bought a pressie for my senior from all of us..it was an Angel of Friendship..so nice

I bought a sandwhich press, cause I wanted another one..

I bought this cool wrought iron looking candle holder thingy...another thing that was bali inspired for said coffee table....

I saw this really nice quilt cover..( I has a HUGE king size bed..which I wouldnt recommend as linen is too frickin expensive) it was oriental looking...I think that is the theme I want throughout my house...always liked it really....but today $159 was a bit much for a quilt cover...might watch it and see if it ever on sale...only at Target

ummm what else??yep I think thats it!!...shit that was enough for this week anyway:)

oh boy

2010-05-04T03:57:00.000-07:00

I havent weighed myself since about Saturday?? Not sure...I dont want to hop on them actually, Ive been eating rubbish and, well I dont know what is going on with me really..I care, but I dont..I really dont know why it is so hard this time, I wake up with great intentions, then something happens and I have to eat something yukky....it all went down hill from my holidays, no disapline...i piss myself off actually, I go well for a few weeks and then BANG...lose the plot..same old record playing over and over and I guess its a good thing I have not many reading...its getting boring.. I know it but Im struggling..

Not really much more to talk about really....work is going well, I got my training plan today and I have about 4 books/moduals that were due to be finished by the 30th April, so I will have to talk to my boss on Friday as I have to get moving....i am defiantly NOT doing a 4 year apprenticeaship and they are likey not to sign people off cause that costs more money blah blah, so I have to really push myself....comes down (again) the the fucking confidence thing...blah, blah BLAH...I did 2 haircuts today and they were fine..I felt in control and didnt question anything that I was doing..and then I did a great french roll...I have had that book for over 12 months...hmm big trouble I think I'll be in!! lol care factor!!!!! 0

I have to do foiling next...and fast!

Oh well, keep going

oh no

2010-04-29T03:04:00.000-07:00

OMG!!! Ive had a terrible day!!! Ive been eating to much and not having my shakes and Im back up near 72kilos and Im not happy...I will never holiday again cause clearly Im not very disaplined....SHIT

We have had no water at the salon duse to pipe issues or some shit, so I didnt take my shakes...only cause I have to go to the loo every 5mins after drinking it!!, I was there all bymyself and had to close up and lock everything..just not worth the hassle..well I know thats only an excuse anyway..

So, tomorow the water will be back on, and shakes will start again..I need to hook in and go all commando.....do it with disapline...for once and Im going to get on my treadmill in the morning...I dont want to but I suck and my body is fucking disgusting...my senior that is leaving..(fuck it) is soooo tiny..mind you stress is really helping her atm..she is trying to eat, but not....she is soooo tiny!!!!!! love it!!

So tomorow
shake
coffee
apple
shake
almonds
green vegies.

and thats gunna be it for the next 3months!!!! minimum....gotta get thin and toned. 12 months ago I was fit and 66kilos...awesome...I'll get there

gotta keep telling myself that anyway....

2010-04-28T13:48:00.000-07:00

I cant get back on track..its gone from bad to worse on the scale.......holiday time isnt the best for me i think!!

Never mind...i'll try again today.

We have had no water in the salon all week so Im there again today on my own til lunch, they think the water will be on today around 12ish?? hope so...I dont do well on my own with no one to chat with !!!!lol..all good

Oh yeah, Im blonde again to!! think I went blonde cause I hate how short it is..it will grow..it is growing...another 2 years and it will be back where it was...IDIOT!!!!!!! *grrrrrrrrr*

NOW I WONT CUT IT FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hmm yeah I'll see.......................

Melbourne is fantastic

2010-04-25T14:12:00.000-07:00

Im back to reality and its such a shame!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE melbourne soooo much!!! the atmosphere, the culture, everything...awesome...

Had an awesome time, the wedding was great, a greek wedding...just amazing.. we ate sooooooo much food, but surprisingly enough I put on anly 800reams in the 4 days I was there, but 1.6 since last Monday..no worries, wont take long to get that back under control...

I'll organise piccys soon, lots to do this morning as mum and dad are coming out for haircuts..

and I just found out my favourite Senior, the one who has now lost 22kilos is leaving tomorow..she just found out that her fiance has been lying, cheating and taking drugs...fucking typical...Im sad that she is leaving and soooo quick.... sad:(

not quite there

2010-04-21T02:59:00.000-07:00

But I did try!! Im not going to be under 70 for Melbourne tomorow, but Im not going to kick my ass over it... I enjoyed some Bubbly choccy today...not to much but it was nice.

Food today
M.R
Coffee
almonds
apple
1/2 slice pizza
chicken/bacon rissotto for dinner...not much food and practically no water today...Ive been really busy today...more shopping, coffee with a friend, nails and toes done...just have to pack..did all my washing, bought some new jeans a nd another nice dress...busy!!!

Im all excited...bit scared of the plane ride, cause you know, there has been a few incedents lately...but it will be fine!!!

I'll put piccys up later..me cameras doing funny things...or maybe thats me!!

anyway..till Sunday:)

ahhh

2010-04-19T16:25:00.000-07:00

First day of my hols...alllll good, Ive vaccumed and wash the floors...Im going out soon to get a window sqeedgy thingy to wash my windows on the outside..they are yukky so they need to be done, i need to get school shorts for M, Ive got to go to the hair place and get some products to take away, and what else?? I'll put photo up after I charge me camera!

Im meeting up with my cousin in Melbourne to, they have just had a new bubba, so Im soooooooooooooooooo excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

laters

Went out, sorted out 15yo with a job network so hopefully we will get him a job.. I didnt get to Bunnings for a squeedgy thingy...its raining anyway so maybe tomorow?? I did get some colour for my hair, Im going blonde again and its gunna take a while, Im freaking out now cause I did a bleach wash and I couldnt get it as light as I wanted to tone with the toner I bought, but Im hoping that it will tone ok...fucked if its not!!!! I will get photos up here later....

Food has been good today after my carb filled shit dinner last night I was ..oh and peanut mnms, I was 70.5...shit, shit, shit...Ive been good today tho as I HAVE to be under 70 by THURS!!!!!!!!

Food

M.R
coffee
banana
almonds
3/4 cup of Pumpkin soup...(hienze) was yukky so I threw it out.
shake
coffee
Vegie pizza and salad, or chicken and brocoli...not decided yet?????

weigh in

2010-04-18T14:28:00.000-07:00

Start 72.1
week 1- 70.8
this week- 70.0
Loss 800grams.

Not bad, I really think I should try not to weigh everyday, it will be hard, but I was 70 days ago, so Im a bit dissapointed, not that I should be I know, but I will be under 70 by the time I go to Melb on Thursday, Im not having any 'free' things today, to bloody determined!!

Food
Hot choc
M.R
banana
almonds
Shake
apple
dinner- meatballs and fetticini.

Have to go and find a dress for the wedding today, there is a shop near work that has heaps, so I wont not find something... I have snakeskins heels so, I have to find something to match, either in the colouring of that or red...I'll post photos later:)

Ok I found a dress and shoes to match then I found a ring and earings to match, LOVE my shoes, my dress is pretty awesome to!! Purple it is...soooo nice....

So much for no free things to...I had some peanut MnM's...my absolute favorite.. just a few though and I frooze the rest...so I dont feel guilty...mind you I dont like being on holidays trying to be good either...a bit hard so I have to be really good

just have to remember that I want to be under 70 very soon.

I cant get on my treamill till my foot has healed completely as it is just starting to scab up and I dont want to wreck it!!

grrr

2010-04-17T13:38:00.000-07:00

Im on holidays now for a week...awesome, I haven't had a holiday...proper one...in over 2 years..cant wait!!!!!!!!!!

In other news, I think Im going to have to change my food a bit.....Im hovering between 70. and 70.4...bloody hell, maybe Im not gunna eat vita wheat everyday and just have a shake at lunch, its not coming off very quickly and i dont want to get to diheartened, I know all that bullshit of small losses is a loss, but it looks as thiught im gunna lose 200gm this week...pathetic, I thnk i need to exercise...

soooooooooooo I started with my resistance band this morning, I did

10 squats

10 biceps

10 triceps

I will repeat this through out the day and Im hoping to start on me treadmill tomorow, kids will be at school and i'll just have to do it.

Food

M.R

coffee

apple

almonds

then going out to the city shopping so I'll have

skim hot choc

home for my shake at lunch

banana

mida arvo

Tuna

dinner

small steak and brocoli..

lets see if that makes a difference in the morning for weigh in...im dreading it at the moment now. I really, really want to be under 70 to go to Melbourne???????????? DAMMIT!!

flat out

2010-04-17T01:08:00.000-07:00

another flat out day...I did an awesome cut today, the lady went from long to short and funky, bit like my style, spiky sorta at the back and then longer at the sides...it was pretty good, probably not perfect, but she loved it and that is all that matters...the girls at work were very impressed..lol, the actually looked on in disbelief..cause all this time, Ive always been to afriad to do anything new...not anymore, I beleive in myself:)

Food was a bit funny today as I was to busy

M.R
Coffee
4 vita wheats
tuna

and thats it today, I have brocoli in the oven swimming in light cream and then with cheese on the top... with steak. treat meal or what?? I have been trying to drink more water tho today and I will only have a small serve to.

Im not going out tonight either, Ide love to but I dont want any bastard to step on my foot, it has just started to scab up and it WOULD be my luck it would be stepped on and the ink ruined...next time, I straighted my friends hair and she was all dressed up, they will have so much fun!!

Oh well, next time:)

just getting better!!!!!!!

2010-04-16T02:45:00.000-07:00

Another awesome day, i was sooooooooooooooooooooooo busy at the salon, i did 3!!!!! ladies haircuts!!! a little nervous, but im working really hard to believe in myself and have a really positive outlook, and you know what, its working, i had one lady rebook with me one request for me this morning an 2 others, after cutting thier (men) hair ask what days i work, so that great!!!

food
M.R
coffee
banana
tea
4 vita wheat
b.beans
3 savoury shapes
chicken and rice red curry...frozen meal.

i have had 2 serving s of carbs today, so I dont expect a change of a drop in the morning, maybe up 500grams or more, not worried, it'll be right, I'll cut out carbs tomorow and go for more protien..

what I really feel like is a nice serving of cheese! I LOVE cheese and I really, really LOVE marinated Feta from woolies, its, just, so good:)...maybe when I get down a bit more, I did the groceries with P tonight and I must say all the yummy food was so tempting, I even bypassed the chocolate isle....determination is me!

Foots getting better, Im not going out tomorow night, just going to pre dinner and drinks, although Im gunna try and get outta that, as 1, i dont drink, and 2, I dont want to eat there...hmm, we'll see hey?

the world doesnt revolve around anyone!!!

2010-04-15T04:45:00.000-07:00

Hmm intersting comment left, 'someone' thinks i was talking about them...UMMMM, I left no names and of all the billions of blogs on here, NOONE knows who Im talking about...and I cant link it cause its gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a fucking ana blog anyway and I dont need that influence!!

HOW FUCKING FUNNY!!!!!! this comment was left by a blogger I thought stopped ages ago???? anyway Ive been pulled from their reader...so be it:) This one hasnt left a comment for years...I dont get some people and Im not about to start a blogger bitch fest, so Im not publishing it. Love comment moderation.

Soooooooooooo, in other news that im interested in

MY weightloss, still going great, still not eaten bread or chocolate or anything not on my list each day...awesome:)

Food today
meal replace
coffee
banana
4 vitawheats tuna
tea
shake
almonds and apricots
chicken and brocholi
hot choc.

All good, I do need to drink a lot more water though.....

OOUUUCCCHHHHH

2010-04-14T03:02:00.001-07:00

OH dear...I dont think I should be standing on a newly tattooed foot alllll day, look how swollen it is!!!!! the Crease on the front there near my toes is from my shoes....how funny!! I love it though, I was a bit worried and I asked the tattooist if it needed to be moved down a bit to the side but then he and the owner explained that it is on the thong line and they put my shoe on and showed me and it is perfect, so all good, looks even better with heels!!lol

So it means 'believe', cause with everything that Im going throught with a lot of elements in my life I have to remind myself to not only 1, belive in myself, but 2 believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel, a couple of other things, but I'll keep them to myself:)
On another note, another blogger has pulled their blog again... so funny, this person cant keep up with their own lies...Ive been reading for a few years and i still cant believe the shit that it spins...no names, Im not that bitchy.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, as of today I have lost 2.1 so far...awesome hey!!!!!!!!!! even eating that pizza last night I lost 600grams this morning... I am so please with myself, without being concieted you know what I mean, its taken a long time to get to this head space again.

Todays food

Meal replace
coffee
banana
tuna and 4 vita wheats
shake
almonds and apricots
b beans
tea
chicken and greens

IM GUNNA GET SKINNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-04-13T04:33:00.000-07:00

So, im another fucking year older.....................oh brother, great, I hate getting older, i cringe when its April, hate it , i still feel 20 ffs, i cant belive where allll these years have gone, i still feel like im a new mum at home in my mums house with a new born for heavens sake @ 21...sigh...oh well, never mind,

so Im still going really well on my new eating plan, its been 7 days today and Ive lost 1.5kilos already...awesome:), next week I am hoping o lose another 1.5kils, all good. but if I dont...no worries:)

We had pizza for dinner..*cringe*, but i made the right choice with 2 slices of vegetarian thin crust pizza and green salad...how good is me!!lol

So food today

meal replace

tea

banana

tuna and 4 vita wheat

shake

almonds and apricots, same amount everyday

2 slices vegie pizza, lettuce, tomato, olives...yummy:)

hot choc

coffee

oh and the other BIG news, i got my tattoo today on my foot, of course I have left my camera at work...so i'll try and remember photos tomoz:) I texed my mum when I was getting it done and sent piccys from my phone...she laughed, and said dont tell your father!!! lol how funny, he will flip though....dammit

Weigh in......

2010-04-11T18:31:00.000-07:00

1.3kilos gone..........Good I was expecting half of that so Im happy with my efforts for this week and I'll keep going til next weigh in...cant wait:)

I made...and ate 2 little banana patty cakes this morning for school going back tomorow, I'll freeze them and get them out as needed, my day off today, I do have to go out, I have a councelling session for N at 1pm, still not gotten him on track, I have to bribe him to come home and go to tafe or something cause he still is doing nothing...its just terrible, anyway, see how we go today.......

Food today

Meal replace
tea
banana
2 patty cake...*treat*
sardines and 4 vita wheat
shake
apple
bbeans
chicken and veg
skim hot choc
coffee

ahhh...another great day:)

I survived!

2010-04-11T01:51:00.000-07:00

the weekend that is!!!!! Im so proud of my efforts thus far, Im just stiking to my routine, eating the same thing everyday and really focused on losing weight, i have weigh in tomorow and ya know Im only looking at between 500gm and 1kilos maybe, but thats ok, if in 1months time Im only 1kilo lighter i will have to reassess my food.

I mowed the lawn, well the front lawn, I raced to it was getting darker and the oven had 15mins left!!lol, made it to.

Food today
Meal replace
banana
coffee
tuna
4 vita wheat
15 almonds and 4 apricots
shake
b beans
1/2 chicken breast and greens.
skim hot choc
coffee.

I halved my whole dinner tonight, so I will see if that makes a difference in the morning.. weigh in tomorow:)

The only time i get hungry is about morning tea and just before dinner so thats pretty good so far. I have a free meal tomorow night but I think i'll skip it this week, just keeo going while it is going well i think! I have been tempted by chocolate even!!!! shock horror!lol

I going out (maybe) with friends into the city on sat night, im a bit nervous though, but I'll see how I feel, i might even have to work on the sunday, so if that is the case maybe not...i just dont know yet..

HAIRDRESSING

Hmmmm, thats not going so well, I have no confidence and self esteem when it comes to me cutting hair, consultating, colour, I guess its just cause I have so much going on around me and different things happening in my life, that I dont put on here, and im just struggling, I try to be positive and thats all i can do. Im actually thinking of going to couselling...not sure yet....

I am on holidays the week after next and Im getting a tattoo on my foot, im been thinking for a long time what I would like, i tossed up with drangon flies, and butterflies, hearts, and then maybe stars, but I have decided on something finally!!!

Piccys will come later:)

lovin it

2010-04-09T23:57:00.000-07:00

Im loving that I havent gone off track once since I started on Tuesday, only 4 days I know, but good for me.

Im actually fighting being depressed about the way I look, its only been 4 days and I know its taken 18months to lose tone and pile the fat cells back on, but I just hate, hate, HATE, the way I look, plus its my bday soon and I think Im just depressed all round:(

I so wish I had someone to spend my life with, someone who genuinlly cared for me and was positive and just an all round great person...I think they are few and far between and I think that the few people who have that are extremely lucky.

I guess Ive hated myself and my situation for so long that this is just my lot and it wont change?

Anyway, nuff of that, dont need to bring myself down more..

Food

Meal replace
banana
coffee, Bbeans and 4 vita wheat
shake
tea
tuna
skim hot choc
chicken and vegies for dinner.
pepsi..(diet)

all good, Im not bored with it yet

If I exercised for an hour a day it would make a huge difference, but Im not, slowly does it there cause Im so unfit and hate exercise.. not good.....

Awesome

2010-04-08T04:36:00.000-07:00

Day 3

Going well. Im proud of my efforts, I know its only the 3rd day, but thats good for me.

My stuff came and the meal replacment is like drinking chocolate Mousse, it is soo yummy, which makes it even easier. Ive not been hungry at all today

Food today
Coffee+banana+meal replace
15 almonds and 4 apricots...(this is a sweet treat and the combo is the best!)
apple
shake
baked beans and 4 vita wheat
tuna....(yuk...I much before salmon)
ww chicken fettucini...mmmmmm
tea and then a hot chocolate

my measurements have gone down since I last did them which was a surprise to... its ok, they will go down again.

I told the girl at work, who has now lost 22kilos, (and her hair is falling out) that Im gunna get skinny, you know what she said? " I'll believ it when I see it!!"..in a nice way,, but hmmmm

WELL JUST YOU WAIT:)

I will eat Tuna this week and I am going to change it to salmon next week, Im hoping the higher fat content wont make a difference...I was nearly gagging trying to eat tuna...i used to eat eat it no worries, maybe cause I was eating salmon? I'll probably aquire a taste for it again??

dunno

here we fucking go again!!!!!!!hahahahaha

2010-04-07T02:18:00.000-07:00

So easter is done and dusted, nothing new really, I eat chocoalate alllll the time.

Kids had fun, ate heaps, got heaps, all gone now though, which is good!!

Soooooo, yet again Im trying something new, well not new, Ive done it before and it worked, I need to drop weight fast!!

Im back doing meal replacement shake and protien powder.

Im on my second day, im determined this time, Im going to see how skinny I can get, im around 72 fucking kilos, AGAIN, so fuck it, this weight is going, Im uncomfy, my clothes are tight, Im just heavy, I heave myself around, its fucking awful.

So I got my order today, all new stuff, I have been having my old protien powder, (not shelf old!) just stuff I bought before and just finishing the tail end of it. I have to stick to and , and I will, this new stuff cost me $160!! Thats motivation enough!

My food goes like this

Shake + coffee + Banana
Tuna + Tea/or coffee
Shake + apple
Baked Beans
then any meal at night time. healthy vegies, salad and chicken, Im sorta off red meat, I only like mince, heart smart of course!!

For a treat I can have 15almonds and 4-6 dried apricots. And I get 1 free meal each week, that will be Mondays, when I weigh in. I'll make lasagne next week I think?

And Im not hungry at all, Im trying to drink a lot more water, but I have to run to the loo alllll the time, luckily the salon is right next door to a loo!!

Im gunna do this, and Im gunna be skinny.

I also am back doing my resistance band, and squats, leg lifts ect. Its great!

I started that yesterday to.

My starting weight was 72.1 yesterday, a big spike after easter FUCK IT!!!! never mind, I have gotten my mindset finally right, Im motivated to lose as much as I can. But I must do my weight training again as I want/need to tone, I will start situps when I lose a bit more belly fat, Body Trim recommends only 10000 steps while losing weight, I dont really think I do that much within a day at the salon, but I'll work on more incedental exercise.

I have to take measurement in the morning to before I lose anything!

I WILL GO TO MELBOURNE IN THE 60's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I promise:)

obseesed

2010-03-28T02:00:00.000-07:00

Im obsessed with the scales so Im going to put them away, Im watching them go up and go down and its just doing my fucking head in...

tomorow is another week and they are closing in and Im not going to be 67 by Melb...so be it, dont care, well I do but Im not going to dwell on it, what for, life is short, and horrible, why make myself more miserable??

Oh and I HATE my hair...and once again I SHOULDNT HAVE GOTTEN IT CUT...

i do this allll the time.

silly.

ssdd

2010-03-24T03:10:00.000-07:00

same shit different day!! sounds familiar i think!!

An alright day today, could have been better, Im having a hard time with water guzzling, just cant drink it atm...I have a rotten head cold and I feel like crap, not even hungry to be honest, so hey thats gotta be good!

So I hope America pulls itself out of the shit its in soon, I bought a house in Detroit last year, stupid thing that I did I know, but my dad bought one and I thought it was a good idea....yeah famous last words... their real estate agents suck and dont know how to organise anything...grrrr, Im having a hard time with it all atm..(typical of my fucking life right now) anyway, I have to spend a few thousand $ on it to get it up to fucking renting stage again, all we do is pay out constantly...Im annoyed with myself for even buying it, but as usual I had the best intention at heart, my thought was to keep it for a few years, til I am qualified, then off load it, make some money and buy me own salon...hmm, aint gunna happen now, I just want it sold now, the amount i pay for rent here and the loan there, I can buy a house out here!!

Never mind, live and learn the hard way, thats my way I think! I never learn. I rush into everything!!!!!!!!!

Im still the same on the scales...70.7...huh, now Ive put that down on 'paper' whats the bet I spike tomorow and be fatter!!...we'll see, I weigh everynight and every morning...I try not to, but hey Im a physco and cant help it!!!hahahahhahahaahhahahahahahhahahahaha!!!!!!!!11

over myself

2010-03-23T03:55:00.000-07:00

I just dont get it......all I want is to be skinny, but my mind, heart and soul wont allow me?/ I dont understand my way of thinking, Im reading this book that I think is going to turn out to be a load of bullshit, all about emotional fat, anf turning off your fat buttons, all sorts of shit that saw the author go from fucking HUGE, like 200kilos to a healthy 85kilos..(approx) dont know the stats but he lost a shit load of fat by thinking positive yadda yadda...hmmm, Im thinking positive, trying my best, but fucking hell its hard...

Ive just been reading other blogs, thin peoples blogs and I dont want to be like that either, why the fuck cant I just have been born naturally thin?? great.

The thing that fucking annoys me, is that I know what to eat, but I love shit food, I know to exercise, IM FUCKING LAZY, I know allllll what is required to get skinny, but do you think my mind or whatever posesses me, will let me?? Maybe I need fucking professional help????

I can imagine myself skinny, but yet I still eat shit...I want nothing more than to be thin, but again...for some unknown fucked up reason I cant be??

I think if I didnt buy the wrong things I wouldnt eat it, if I packed my lunch and planned my snacks, Ide be right, if I planned my meals I might just suceed....I just wonder how I got into the mindset before... I lost 15kilos ffs....15kilos!!!! on my own, no powders, no weekly checkins, all on my own and the fucking ww boards.

Now Im just 3kilos above what I was...3. fucking. kilos. fuck all..3kgs!!! how pathetic, although I look like Ive put on 10kilos, flabby, untoned....just fucking disgusting.

Anyway, a good vent...new day tomorow...yet another chance.

weigh in

2010-03-21T14:51:00.000-07:00

I lost 600grams.

Im happy with that, if I can average 500gm for the next 5 weeks I will get close to 67-5kilos and that will be awesome for Melb. Ive looked up hairdressers and they are on every corner so I just have to pick one and make an appointment! cant wait, will be great to see how another salon does things! Ide ideally like to find a redken salon, the BEST products on the market:)

Im home today, so Im going to do some cooking and lots of housework, my house is like a dump, I just get so tired, so this morning is it, it will be done!!

Mum and dad are coming over this morning to.

up early

2010-03-17T14:26:00.001-07:00

had to wash my hair..lol how funny..well the scales are looking better, I'll just keep going..2 kilos to go before Melbourne.

Ive decided when in Melb, that I am going to a hair salon, might have a treatment and then blow dry/straighten.. cant wait, just have to find one!

food today

cereal, coffee
banana
chicken and rice
nestle mouse
ww meal
banana bread + coffee
tea.

Yum

oh, and lots of water, I dont drink enough during the day and then have to come home and guzzle 2 litres at night!!

Ive had a headache today, and something else I need to take note of...I wasnt hungry when I ate??

I think the coffee and banana bread are gunna stuff me in the morning...

shame

day...what am I up to??

2010-03-17T01:59:00.000-07:00

dunno, its a lifestlye change!! everyday is good!!

Food went well today, I did have a choccy, yep, felt a bit guilty, but I will not have anymore now till next week. Better save it til Easter!!lol

Work was a little boring today, I just did study nearly allllll day, learnt the colour wheel though and that was good, Im up to having to consult with clients and I shit myself everytime I have to do anything...I sometimes wonder if I should be a hairdresser after all.... I just have so much self doubt and absolutly NO confidance......its actually annoying and we have appraisals on Friday and I bet Im gunna get into trouble for not beliveing in myself and getting in there and having a go at everything...*sigh*...it'll be right, Ive come to far to give up now, Its my 2year anniversay tomorow actually, 2 years of hairdressing and Im still not confidant....silly really, I just need to get in and do it, Im just really scared I'll fuck it up and then people wont like me and then they wont come back...grrrr....Im silly...

anyway, not much else, Im in the 60's again, up and down like a frickin yoyo, I still weigh in every night and every morning...keeps me on track and I can guestimate what I will be in the mornings so I dont freak out as much!!lol...

would be great if I can get to 67 by 23rd April...

we'll see!

day 2, but day 1

2010-03-16T01:58:00.000-07:00

I confuse meself!!lollololololol.....

So, did a points counting thing today, I dont really want to label myself, cause I think that puts the pressure on me...not sure, just trying hard to find a way that works for me in the whole fatloss thingy.

So today was good, could have been, awesome but I was just starving when I went to the shops to look for ugly shoes and I just had to have a donut from Donut King, did I say that I have just found these donuts, they arent donuts with the holes in the middle, well they are but they are like cake?? Oh I dont know how to describe them, but they are fucking yummy, and of course I get the choccy icing one, oh dear, they are good, my daughter says they are like the Crispy Creme donuts.....dangerous!!! anything good usually is!

anyway, my points went to 21.5, and I am meant to be on 20....as far as I know, Im just going to follow what I did before, I lost the 15kilos of baby weight so it must work...I would probably be on 18points now, but hey, I'll start on 20.

I just have to drink more water...Im just about to down 1litre now so thats gotta be good...

Im loving ebay at the mo, I bought some IBD gel coloured kit from the USA, over here I pay $120 for the kit of 6 gel colours and cleanser, sealer, wipes, etc, and over there I paid $35??? W.T.F???? So cheap, we are so getting ripped over here, andyway, I bought that and some intense seal, here $49, over there, fucking $9, unreal hey, love America!! I also got some acrylic powder, I boutght the big one, $50 here, $25 there....I'll get all my stuff form over there from now on. I need to get back into doing nails again, I dont miss it but I do, I wouldnt mind doing a refresher course. The have one on the Gold Coast for a day its $300..hmm just not sure if I want to spend that much money or not, mind you I havent work as a nail tech for over 5 years now, so I have fallen behind on the latest trends etc.. I dunno I think about it??

anyway, Im off to catch up on some blogs:)

ok...tomorow then

2010-03-15T03:32:00.000-07:00

Hair photos!! This above is before the cut

and after

front after...I just cant put me face up. just dont want that whole. this is me thing happening..

So..

man, hate when people dont remember their own lies?? all Im saying

Anyway, I must really hate myself right?>? I'll tell ya why, this morning started out well, then as the day go on I fucked it up, time and time again..W.T.F?????? what the fuck is it with me and food??? 3 fucking kilos is all I need to lose and its the hardest EVER....jeeesuzzzzzzz.

I went shopping, not sure what I wanted but I just wanted to spend money, shoes I thought, for work, ugly closed in ones, cause thats the hairdressing rules, anyway, C decided that after his donut dinosaur and juice, he had enough of wandering oaround following mummy here and there, checking out clothes, bras, bed sheets...fuck me, did you know how much King size sheets are????/ I didnt...I looked at 1000count whatevers and they were $159...hmm, dont think I can afford that, thats half my wage for gods sake! !lol..eeek...anyway he had enough so we had to come home....never mind.... another day, ugly shoes can wait.

So I stuffed up food allllll day, chocolate and pizza..hopeless eh. I just dont know what it is?? I have the right intentions, really I do, and then I stuff it...why????? I ask myself constantly?? I dont get is, I am one of those people that cant have anything bad in sight.

Shocking. I had all the intentions to start WW again. Now its tomorow.

I HAVE to lose 3kilos by 22April. Have toooooooooooo.

If at first you dont succeed, try and try again....

I will be better tomorow. I can imagine how pathetic that sounds, Ive seen it before and thought..;yeah yeah...whatever fatty!!'

all good. 3 kilos is achievable.

right??

As long as Im prepared.

2010-03-14T05:38:00.001-07:00

I'll get a good piccy of me hair when i do it again..

im doing somthing different tomorow, ya know mix it up a bit

till then.....................

day 5 and 6

2010-03-12T13:12:00.000-08:00

food day 4

cereal and skim milk
stew
ham
chicken salad with ceasar dressing
no water really, I dont think half a glass will cut it!!

dam it:)

Day 5
egg on seaded roll
turkey
tuna
chicken
cant be bothered with salad and veg at the moment, I know I should but, life is busy and I need to go grocery shopping!!

I had alllll my hair cut off last night, all short and funky looking..lol....more hairdressy now again, just didnt have time for colour, mayby next week??

Im ring about a jewelry course next week, they have a 4 hour lesson for $60, incl materials, Im assuming silver...cant wait, I just hope it is still going as the flyer was delivered months ago, but mum can finally go.

I had a cut and colour and foils and blow dry in on Thursday and do you know I was sick in the tummy all wed night and I felt sick Thrs morning and I think it was nerves???? FFS!!!!!!! Im such a worry wart, but jesus, to feel sick with nerves, when she left I was suddenly better.

How stupid, I just dont have any confidnce in what I do, basically, I dont trust my own ability, it is really cruelling it for myself, Im scared to fuck somthing up...its silly, how many hairdressers stuff peoples hair everyday?????? Not that I want to be like that, but shit, Im soooo hard on myself, and when it comes down to it I can do it, not like a senior, but I can do it!!

*sigh* I know I will get there, my 2 year anniversary is this month!! who would have thought?? Me.. a hairdresser!!! cant wait til Im confidant to do everything with ease:)

day 4

2010-03-11T03:19:00.000-08:00

food

cereal and skim milk

ham

casserole and pepsi max

Protien bar

ham

salmon

cashews

oh and I ate a turkish delight ice cream bar....not very good, but I was annoyed so I ate something bad... I wont beat myself up over it, a slip is minor and I know its going to happen now and again..its a lifestyle change, so one little slip its ok, i wont die ffs!!lol

I havent had one cup of tea or coffee today.. Imstruggling a little with the whole skim milk in them, I love a nice full cream coffee at the end of the day, hell at the start of the day too!

My book arrived today, its called 'The Gabriel Method'...looks like an intersting read, bloody ants got all in it and over it, its bloody ruined, brand new frickin book...not happy!! Never mind

So, Im getting my hair cut again tomorow, and coloured, cant wait.

I did a beautiful cut, colour and folis today, client was really happy with it to. phewwwww:)

day 3...DONE!

2010-03-10T00:38:00.000-08:00

So....Ive been on this thing for 3 days...a record for me!!lol. no seriously, its all good, I felt a bit hungry this morning but I ate ham and turkey for snacks. I didnt have my salmon today though, bit busy at work.. I was working on that dreaded French Roll, AGAIN!!, I think I sorta got it this time, I had T there, she is our trainer and she showed me AGAIN, how to do it....Im not very good at upstyles yet!! to be honest I dont have the fucking patients for them, shit, I dont have patients for any thing!!!

thats my french roll...not bad, I guess...its all justpractice I suppose.

Anyway, back to my Bodytrim.

Today I had

2 eggs and tea

turkey and tea

roast beef

ham

chicken and an egg

3 eggs today...hmm, so after 3 days, I fetlt a bit hungry this morning, and tired to, but my body will adjust Im sure, so tomorow I get to have salad and vegies!! yayayayay, cant wait, I am really waiting for my day when I can eat cheese, Im a cheese freak, and chocolate for that matter!!lol, all good, I'll lay off the choccy for 2 weeks and then on my 'free' dayI am going to have a small bit. What is the point of cutting it out all together?? Ide only crave it more and then binge on it for days!!

haha...

day 2

2010-03-08T12:53:00.000-08:00

Well the scales are down so thats good. I know its all water weight but thats ok, its a start.

So todays 6 meals

Egg and tea

ham

beef

salmon

chicken

turkey

I did only have 5 yesterday, but think thats ok?

I have Tafe work this morning, our teacher comes out and we do stuff for her then. Im just not sure about this hairdressing anymore? I am really hard on myself and I never think my work is good enough...Im trying really hard to get over that but it is hard. I guess it comes down to, people have to like me and what I do, Im only just starting, and it is actually hard work!

Anyway Im sure it will get better...

another good day of food and protien, I have behaved for 2 whole days, the only thing that will be a bit harder is not having full cream milk in coffee, Im having yukky skim milk. I was even disaplined today, cause we didnt have skim at work so I had black tea...YUKKY!!! lol, I'll get used to it.

I took my measurement to..ergghh, they will go down to. yuk again.

Its all good, I'll be toned and thinner in no time..

day 1- protien

2010-03-07T13:45:00.000-08:00

so I'll start today with

tea and skim milk
1 egg with ham and mushrooms

salmon

chicken

ham

roast lamb

egg

all protien, I will do this for 3 days and then M will help me with the next phase. Apparently you can lose up to 5kilos in the fist 11 days...hmm thats what I want to l

ose all up!!

Im not in a hurry, I need to change my lifestyle is all.

I'll get a photo up some time today.

That will make me accountable Im sure...

OH MY GOD RIGHT?? ...Not alllll bad, but very untoned and just a little heavier than what Ide like to be. I didnt weigh before I ate this morning but yesterday I was back to 71.2, so I guess I'll take it from around there. I ctually couldnt face the scales this morning as I had rice and carbs yesterday...always heavier the next day...grrr.

Anyway I'll take another photo on the 4th day after my 3 day kick start Protien days.

we'll see huh?

So I stuck to plan all day..which is really good for me, Ive not been hungry, but food was on my mind all day, thinking I had to eat certain things...you know, bread, just silly really, I just had my roast beef it was, I cooked it in the slow cooker..nice!

Im just having trouble finding foods that will be of variety??

So far I have

eggs

chicken

lamb

beef

bacon

and thats it!!

well I guess I have 2 more days!

then I move to phase 2

this is still eating protien for the 6 meals, but I can have unlimited vegies and salad with lunch and dinner

so excited:)

so...........

2010-03-07T01:24:00.000-08:00

This is me at Xmas...FUCKING YUK.

So..well yes. Ive been a bad girl, eating all the wrong thing....this is getting old right? Anyhoo, Im going to take before shots tomorow and get off my arse and get (try) about this whole fucking 5kilos I need gone.....my workmate has now lost 20!!! yes 20 kilos...I didnt even think she was that overweight!!.....she looks amazing and Im just so proud of her...and yet I still wonder why I cant stay on track for more than a few days....Ive been down this road so many times before and I bore myself...I know what to do.... I know what to eat...I know what is required for me to lose this weight...and to be honest Im just sitting on the fact that its only a few kilos..well I will try and try again

I will follow the high protien diet.

3 days of pure protien

then just sensible eating. Nothing in bags, nothing dairy, nothing yummy!!

I will take before shots tomorow morning..(help me god).

That will scare you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stitches!!

2010-03-03T03:26:00.000-08:00

I sliced me finger opened tonight!!!! Oh shit it was awesome...well not at the time, I shit myself cause blood was pouring out everywhere!, I cut right down through all the layers of skin and found out at the emergency I missed the tendon by 1mm!!! Holy shit my hairdressing career would've been over!!!! ARRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH.... It was pretty much me own fault, cause I broke the plate cause I was mad that I had come home from work to a messy kitchen so I threw it in the bin and then shoved the bin back under the bench and the SLICE..open it went!!

Blood pissing out everywhere....P ran and got a towel, a huge bath towel at first!! lol so I told her to get a hand towel, that was better... I then rang the 13health number thinking the ambos would just pop on over and stitch it, but no, they advised me to go to emergency!! I rang husband to come and please take me, but low and behold he couldnt drive, had had 3 fucking heavy beers...so I hung up on him and then decided I better drive myself, mean whlke he has come over...(walked) even though I (yelled) said dont worry about it...anyway..... I managed to get meself up there, one handed, thank god for automatic cars...

So they gave me 2 needles in the sliced open part and 2 stitches....its still all pins and needles like feeling, but I guess thats normal....I havent had stitches for 10 years or more, last time was in me leg?? so I hope Its ok??

I have this second skin type stuff on it so nothing gets in it, but its has come away a little bit,, I just wont be able to do basin work for a few days...

excitement plus hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and I think I ate about 30points on ww today....dam shame there to!!! hehe

OH YEAH...I WEIGHED IN...HMM PUT ON 300GRAMS....AWWWW

2010-02-28T02:09:00.000-08:00

a kilo has come back on,so far, didnt weigh this morning so all my hard work I di last week will be fucking wasted......AS USUAL... Ive had a bit of drama this weekend and all I still want to do is eat....chips, chocolate, just shit really and I dont care, I hate that im not in the right frame of mind I hate that Im 70. somthing, I hate hate hate it, but I still cant get it right, im so over it.

I think I may as well give up cause Im never gunna get back to 65kilos, then I think dont be so fucking stupid.

I was fixing walls today, 15yo punch marks ect, I have so much damage to my things its not funny. I bought a new lounge suite the other week and he fucking kiked it so hard this morning, it lifted off the ground, now there is a stretch mark on the fabric....

We have a Youth Justice Conference tomorow for the assalt he did....yes, isnt that just wonderful, anyway he has to take responibility for what he has done and there is punishment, I have already told them I want him to have anger managment clasess and councilling, he needs a lot more than that but it is a start, he doesnt go to school, dropped out and told me he is not going to Tafe, well I have news for him, I am ordering that in the punishment to, he doesnt listen to me so he will have to listen to the law, if he doesnt follow through and do everything ordered, he is straight to court. He is sooooo disrespectful to me and he now calls me a fuckhead, the feeling is mutual Im afraid, Ive had just about as much as I can take right now. I actually hate my life, Im not a happy person at all, just a kranky old mother. I often think it would be better for all involved if I wasnt here. I would never do anything stupid though, to selfish, plus I have 3 others to be here for. Would be an easy way out though....but I have to many lose ends ect, couldnt do it to my parents...bit of a cop out anyway.

FAT

2010-02-24T02:39:00.000-08:00

fat fat fat... I will never be thin enough. errggghhh Im so bloated and just plain YUK

No walk tonight as Im buggered.

Had to go to the Barbers tinight and just waych a Flatop...looks easy enough?? lol

weightloss takes soooooooo long...Im just kicking myself I have to go through this shit again. I was thin . but as usual I fucked it up.

weigh in

2010-02-23T03:36:00.000-08:00

yay..

Lost 1.7 this week

69.6...thats almost 68!!!!!!!!!! then that will be 67...and then fucking 66!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll get there my 3 little followers..I'll get there:)

65...here. i. come.

weigh in tomorow..............

2010-02-21T20:55:00.000-08:00

I finally spiked this morning....700grams!!!!!! dam

never mind, bound to happen though...went for a walk last night. will go again tonight. all good.

still lose sumthing!!

going soooo well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-02-20T13:56:00.000-08:00

69.6 this morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I dont even have to weigh in til Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!! Im waiting for a spike but so far (touch wood) it hasnt happened????/ Ususally I go up and down and up again...its frustrating and it pisses me off, nit this week...do you think its cuz 1. I actually exercising and 2 Im eating nothing but fresh, unprocessed food????? I wonder...

So as of today I have 2kilos to go to get back to what I was at for aggggeeeesssss 67.5!!!!!!!!

OK, so last night... I ended up wearing 3/4 black tights, and an orangy colour dress/top thing, sleeveless, and high heels...I looked ok, not the best but passable....Im still a little funny shaped so hmm, I;ll get there!

I ordered Beer battered Barramundi, fresh as and a green salad and chunky wedges, great portion controll, there was about 8 chips and I ate 6, not garlic bread or drink!...really small meal though for $18!!.. I was really hungry when I got home after the play so I had a coffee and a piece of toast with peanut butter, the only bread I have had all week, and I still weighed lighter this morning!! yayayayayay!!!!!

Now as for the play.... It was called The Vagina Monologues......hmmmm, very sad really, it was based on women around the world and the sexual suffering they are subjected to, oh dear, some of the statistics we were told made my eyes well up and I had to fight with myself not to cry...very sad and I am VERY VERY greatful for my counrty. Im not going to go into any of it as, Im afraid, Ide rather not think about it. Fucking horrible what some men can do to a women........

Well Im going in to my mums today to cut her hair and just visit...P stayed in there since Friday, I didnt want her here on her own when I went to work and last night when I went out, then we are going to the shopping centre to find a photoshop program or the like!!

I did 3 ladies haircurs this week. I cut about 15cms off a ladies hair yesterday!!! It was past her waist and I cut it up to just under where the bra strap is....scarrrrryyyyy!!!!!!!!!!! Good though:)

Hmm

2010-02-19T02:51:00.000-08:00

Im just watching Biggest Loser and I think Michelle Bridges has had another Boob job!Shes huge...gawd....nice body and now she has better boobs!!lol...must be good to have money to piss away hey! Ide like my rack fixed up to where it was 16 years ago!!!lol I crack myself up!

I went for another walk tonight, 30 mins..Im so glad Im in this headspace now. I dont really want to get all negative and shit, but I look yukky and flabby and thats not what I want, I want to be fit and healthy and toned and strong. I will, I tell myself that all the time, only in me head of course, dont want to sound to uppety..hehe

Im going out tomorow night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with the girls from work, we are having dinner and then going to a play...I cant wait, I havent been out for over a year with girlfriends..even though I work with these ones!! It will be really good, the litlies are at their dads, P is at mums and N is almost 16, I think he'll be right!! I have nothing to wear as everything is still a bit small, ok a LOT small, I threw out all me fat 70kilos+ clothes years ago...grrrrr, Im not buying anything though, that would be a waste, so I'll have a look in that cupboard in a min.....I want to look nice and I will wear heeeeelsssssss...my fave!! Love high shoes, Im a giraffe, but who cares, whats another 10cms?? Actually Ive shrunk a little.I was 173cms, now Im 172cms?? Cool, so by the time Im at a good height for heels I'll be to old!!lol

mmm looking at Shannon on Loser now...WHAT A HOT SPECIMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

K Im off to see what I can wear.......

this is AWESOME

2010-02-18T03:18:00.000-08:00

Im on fire!!!!!! Im loving my new mind set, I went grocery shopping after work STARVING and I bought a protien bar, instead of a fucking chocolate, I looked at all the nice cheeses and yummy frozen meals..I bought 2 ww ones and thought about thwm but opted for eggs and bacon with no fat on it...true Atkins syle, no carbs, so all good. No walk tonight but went around 2 grocery stores, stupid me thought I might try Aldi,,, again...but Im sick of trying that place time and time again and not gettting everything I need... frustrating... anyway, so I walked there then stupid woolies.

Im gunna get toned and thin again!!.

LOVING IT