a kilo has come back on,so far, didnt weigh this morning so all my hard work I di last week will be fucking wasted......AS USUAL... Ive had a bit of drama this weekend and all I still want to do is eat....chips, chocolate, just shit really and I dont care, I hate that im not in the right frame of mind I hate that Im 70. somthing, I hate hate hate it, but I still cant get it right, im so over it.



I think I may as well give up cause Im never gunna get back to 65kilos, then I think dont be so fucking stupid.


I was fixing walls today, 15yo punch marks ect, I have so much damage to my things its not funny. I bought a new lounge suite the other week and he fucking kiked it so hard this morning, it lifted off the ground, now there is a stretch mark on the fabric....

We have a Youth Justice Conference tomorow for the assalt he did....yes, isnt that just wonderful, anyway he has to take responibility for what he has done and there is punishment, I have already told them I want him to have anger managment clasess and councilling, he needs a lot more than that but it is a start, he doesnt go to school, dropped out and told me he is not going to Tafe, well I have news for him, I am ordering that in the punishment to, he doesnt listen to me so he will have to listen to the law, if he doesnt follow through and do everything ordered, he is straight to court. He is sooooo disrespectful to me and he now calls me a fuckhead, the feeling is mutual Im afraid, Ive had just about as much as I can take right now. I actually hate my life, Im not a happy person at all, just a kranky old mother. I often think it would be better for all involved if I wasnt here. I would never do anything stupid though, to selfish, plus I have 3 others to be here for. Would be an easy way out though....but I have to many lose ends ect, couldnt do it to my parents...bit of a cop out anyway.

FAT

fat fat fat... I will never be thin enough. errggghhh Im so bloated and just plain YUK

No walk tonight as Im buggered.

Had to go to the Barbers tinight and just waych a Flatop...looks easy enough?? lol

weightloss takes soooooooo long...Im just kicking myself I have to go through this shit again. I was thin . but as usual I fucked it up.

weigh in

yay..

Lost 1.7 this week

69.6...thats almost 68!!!!!!!!!! then that will be 67...and then fucking 66!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll get there my 3 little followers..I'll get there:)

65...here. i. come.

weigh in tomorow..............

I finally spiked this morning....700grams!!!!!! dam

never mind, bound to happen though...went for a walk last night. will go again tonight. all good.

still lose sumthing!!

going soooo well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

69.6 this morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I dont even have to weigh in til Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!! Im waiting for a spike but so far (touch wood) it hasnt happened????/ Ususally I go up and down and up again...its frustrating and it pisses me off, nit this week...do you think its cuz 1. I actually exercising and 2 Im eating nothing but fresh, unprocessed food????? I wonder...

So as of today I have 2kilos to go to get back to what I was at for aggggeeeesssss 67.5!!!!!!!!

OK, so last night... I ended up wearing 3/4 black tights, and an orangy colour dress/top thing, sleeveless, and high heels...I looked ok, not the best but passable....Im still a little funny shaped so hmm, I;ll get there!

I ordered Beer battered Barramundi, fresh as and a green salad and chunky wedges, great portion controll, there was about 8 chips and I ate 6, not garlic bread or drink!...really small meal though for $18!!.. I was really hungry when I got home after the play so I had a coffee and a piece of toast with peanut butter, the only bread I have had all week, and I still weighed lighter this morning!! yayayayayay!!!!!

Now as for the play.... It was called The Vagina Monologues......hmmmm, very sad really, it was based on women around the world and the sexual suffering they are subjected to, oh dear, some of the statistics we were told made my eyes well up and I had to fight with myself not to cry...very sad and I am VERY VERY greatful for my counrty. Im not going to go into any of it as, Im afraid, Ide rather not think about it. Fucking horrible what some men can do to a women........

Well Im going in to my mums today to cut her hair and just visit...P stayed in there since Friday, I didnt want her here on her own when I went to work and last night when I went out, then we are going to the shopping centre to find a photoshop program or the like!!

I did 3 ladies haircurs this week. I cut about 15cms off a ladies hair yesterday!!! It was past her waist and I cut it up to just under where the bra strap is....scarrrrryyyyy!!!!!!!!!!! Good though:)

Hmm

Im just watching Biggest Loser and I think Michelle Bridges has had another Boob job!Shes huge...gawd....nice body and now she has better boobs!!lol...must be good to have money to piss away hey! Ide like my rack fixed up to where it was 16 years ago!!!lol I crack myself up!

I went for another walk tonight, 30 mins..Im so glad Im in this headspace now. I dont really want to get all negative and shit, but I look yukky and flabby and thats not what I want, I want to be fit and healthy and toned and strong. I will, I tell myself that all the time, only in me head of course, dont want to sound to uppety..hehe

Im going out tomorow night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with the girls from work, we are having dinner and then going to a play...I cant wait, I havent been out for over a year with girlfriends..even though I work with these ones!! It will be really good, the litlies are at their dads, P is at mums and N is almost 16, I think he'll be right!! I have nothing to wear as everything is still a bit small, ok a LOT small, I threw out all me fat 70kilos+ clothes years ago...grrrrr, Im not buying anything though, that would be a waste, so I'll have a look in that cupboard in a min.....I want to look nice and I will wear heeeeelsssssss...my fave!! Love high shoes, Im a giraffe, but who cares, whats another 10cms?? Actually Ive shrunk a little.I was 173cms, now Im 172cms?? Cool, so by the time Im at a good height for heels I'll be to old!!lol

mmm looking at Shannon on Loser now...WHAT A HOT SPECIMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

K Im off to see what I can wear.......

this is AWESOME

Im on fire!!!!!! Im loving my new mind set, I went grocery shopping after work STARVING and I bought a protien bar, instead of a fucking chocolate, I looked at all the nice cheeses and yummy frozen meals..I bought 2 ww ones and thought about thwm but opted for eggs and bacon with no fat on it...true Atkins syle, no carbs, so all good. No walk tonight but went around 2 grocery stores, stupid me thought I might try Aldi,,, again...but Im sick of trying that place time and time again and not gettting everything I need... frustrating... anyway, so I walked there then stupid woolies.


Im gunna get toned and thin again!!.


LOVING IT

doing better

Im back (finally) with the right mindset, I have had nothing but fresh food and lean meat, no bread, no chocolate...all good and I feel better for it. I have been for another walk, 40mins, its been raining here at night, I go at night, its cooler. Im back down to 70.3, I will definatly be back in the 60's by next week. Im only walking at the moment till I get down a lot more, then I will start weight training and leg workouts again.

M at work looks fantastic, she is tiny now, 4 months she has been doing this and everyone is saying how great she looks, she just oozes self confidance now and she just looks beautiful.. good on her I say!!

I did another ladies cut yesterday, it hasnt been that busy with walk ins, and I dont have personals yet!....I will though, Im learning placement of 1/2 head of foils now to. So mush to learn, I have so many books and still have sooo many to go!!

My son didnt get the Sizzler job, soooo frustrating, he has said he is not going to Tafe either, so I said I cant be responsible for him if he wont do the right thing, he will have to move out...he said no way..hmmmmmm, I dont like teenagers......

Anyway, never mind...

better go and get organised... looks like rain here again today, I hate Feb and March up here, so bloody humid :(

My camera is uncompatible with this new computer so I have to get another program...so till then I have no piccys......

I just went for a walk...feel better for it. I ate potato bake today and I know its gunna kill me in the morning but oh well.

Its my day off tomorow but I have to go in for collage work for an hour tomorow morning and then we have training at the office at 6pm...Im so over having to do all this shit in my own time...funny thing is I dont eat, and live work and thats the problem... I just want to get qualified and I can call some shots, hell I want me own salon, my own hours and my own thing, I know it will be hard but I know I can do it....


Im feeling a bit flat at the moment, same ole, same ole, I just want to be happy. It seems very out of reach at times, but Im healthy and so are my family so I cant complain. I just wish I had someone to love and be loved.

I did it again!!

yep, I cut me hair off again!!!!!!!!!!!! All good though, it was just past me shoulders and it looked daggy... I need to look funky and have hairdresser hair, so we coloured it and put 6 foils in the front...mind you it is fried and fucked hair cause of tall the chemicals!! lol,,, aww well, it will grow back!!

So its concaved a bit up the back, just at hairline level and a little longer in the front. M said I need width as I have a long face...she is right! we were at work till 9pm as we can only do hair after work..(bullshit) and she has to cut the front a little in the morning.

All good

Im still up in the 70's...not worried, Im changing my thoguht patterns, I have to much other shit to worry about weight and counting this nd that...sick of it, ffs Im 37 very soon, Im no spring chicken, I dont need to be a fucking model. Im going to eat sensibly, try to move more and get on with life:)...

Its too short. Sure I would like to be buff and toned and healthy, but Im not gunna obsess...today anyway...I go through this shit all the time...I'll start something new next week:)

So today I had

2 eggs and 1 mushroom
1 banana
salad and ham
salmon
chicken breast.

and some fruit and nut chocolate...Im afraid I will never give it up...

So minus the chocolate, hypothetically speaking if I was counting on ww it would be....under 15 anyway...thats gotta be good right?

I bought q health grill yesterday and tonight I cooked my chicken breast...at 9pm mind you, and I cook eggplant and zuchini for me salad tomorow.

All I can do is try.

15yo had an interview at Sizzler. Hope he gets it.

not much


70.5 this morning, good considering the weekend I had with food....

keep going I say, its a lifestyle change, I can still enjoy naughty food on the odd occasion, but just have to be sensible.


just need to tackle exercise...i know as soon as i get the bug for it i'll be right


hmm, now just to catch it!!!lol

I swear to god, Im going insane...my teenager is the worst kid I have ever met...we dont get along and I just cant help it.

He has been in trouble with the police, been to court, have had Youth Justice Conferences and com service. I cant fucking stand it.

I had a cold shower again, had to wash me hair, he lays on the lounge allll day and watches movies and EATS EVERYTHING I buy..... he dropped out of grade 10 middle of last year. Wants ME to get him a job....whatever, I wouldnt do that ever...he makes me soooo mad and I hate myself as a person and a mother because of it. Im waiting to get some professional help for him, his father has told him to fuck off and I tell ya, its so hard. I hate coming home after work cause there will be mess everywhere. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD..... everything I say he MUST do the opposite. I tell him not to shower till Im home, even when Im home he tells me to piss off at the top of his lungs, he has punched holes in my walls, broken the front screen door off, he abuses his sister constanly and tonight he called me a fucking slut,,, how nice.

Im so over this whole situation, my family is spiriling out of control and sometimes I just dont want to be here. But I know my other 3 kids need me, for now anyway.

As for my husband...thats another story for later.

I made a cake!

yep I ate some to!!!

Actually me weekend was off the wall so I gotta start again tomorow, Im taking the kids to pizza and pasta tonight.

OH DEAR.........

weigh in

69.7

loss 700gms. not much really, but least its a loss.

Just got to keep exercising now.

One word

69.9!!!! woo hoo....in to the 60's again..

Now I know in these first few days it is water loss from the lack of carbs, but hey, who cares!!! a few weekes ago I was 73.8!!!!!!!!!!!!!! phew... AND I went for a walk tonight.....finally..good good!!

I weigh in tomorow so hmm fingers crossed Im still under 70...if now Im prepared for it, my average is 500gms a week anyway, so we'll see:)

Im just waiting for my chicken breast to cook... its 8.25pm and Im a bit tired, but gotta eat!

thats all I got...im tired......

Bodytrim day 1

So, how easy is Bodytrim.

Todays food

2 eggs, scrambled with muchroom and onion
atkins protien bar
salad and tuna
ham
green veg, green salad and 100gms chicken
coffee

Not hungry all day

Its easy enough to follow, boring I guess

I need to eat 6 meals a day
all protien
snacks are 50gm protien and meals are 100gms protien with salad and veg.

snacks are just protien, egg, ham, chicken you know, the usual.

Oh and min 10,000 steps a day. Im up to 9980.cool.

Im on a mission now, we are competing, the gal at work and me, she is 7o.9 i think so I have to beat her, she is fit though, she has been going to the gym for ages... Im just to fucking lazy.

Not good...but Im not complaining, or beating myself up:)

It'll happen when I want it to.

mad few days

So, saturday morning in the early hours my Laptop was stolen!!!! Can you believe this?? we were all in bed and my 15yo was watching TV and our side gate was open, it shouldnt have been but was and the back glass sliding door was still open and 15yo fell asleep on lounge, person came wandering round the back and unplugged my copmpuer and just TOOK it!!!!! Fucking bastard.

My fault though cause I woke up at 1am and told 15yo to go to bed and I should have locked back door....still to trusting. Anyway, bought another lappy yesterday, same model, it is now $200 less!! They also took 11yo Nintendo DS. I rang insurance but to much mucking around, for my excess to go down is not worth it, the DS was broken anyway (suckin in!!) and my new lappy was only a feww hundred more than the excess, so I'll leave it to save my premium.

Anyway, learn the hard way.


So, Im 70.2 today, sooooo close to the 60's...........

I have been reading the Bodytrim system, the girl at work, who has now lost 16kgs, is following this now, pretty basic plan, fresh vegies, lean meat and a small amount of fruit. Min 10,000 steps a day.

back to the olden days when fast food and convenience wasnt really around.

Seems easy, but we struggle so much, well I do.