a kilo has come back on,so far, didnt weigh this morning so all my hard work I di last week will be fucking wasted......AS USUAL... Ive had a bit of drama this weekend and all I still want to do is eat....chips, chocolate, just shit really and I dont care, I hate that im not in the right frame of mind I hate that Im 70. somthing, I hate hate hate it, but I still cant get it right, im so over it.



I think I may as well give up cause Im never gunna get back to 65kilos, then I think dont be so fucking stupid.


I was fixing walls today, 15yo punch marks ect, I have so much damage to my things its not funny. I bought a new lounge suite the other week and he fucking kiked it so hard this morning, it lifted off the ground, now there is a stretch mark on the fabric....

We have a Youth Justice Conference tomorow for the assalt he did....yes, isnt that just wonderful, anyway he has to take responibility for what he has done and there is punishment, I have already told them I want him to have anger managment clasess and councilling, he needs a lot more than that but it is a start, he doesnt go to school, dropped out and told me he is not going to Tafe, well I have news for him, I am ordering that in the punishment to, he doesnt listen to me so he will have to listen to the law, if he doesnt follow through and do everything ordered, he is straight to court. He is sooooo disrespectful to me and he now calls me a fuckhead, the feeling is mutual Im afraid, Ive had just about as much as I can take right now. I actually hate my life, Im not a happy person at all, just a kranky old mother. I often think it would be better for all involved if I wasnt here. I would never do anything stupid though, to selfish, plus I have 3 others to be here for. Would be an easy way out though....but I have to many lose ends ect, couldnt do it to my parents...bit of a cop out anyway.