a kilo has come back on,so far, didnt weigh this morning so all my hard work I di last week will be fucking wasted......AS USUAL... Ive had a bit of drama this weekend and all I still want to do is eat....chips, chocolate, just shit really and I dont care, I hate that im not in the right frame of mind I hate that Im 70. somthing, I hate hate hate it, but I still cant get it right, im so over it.



I think I may as well give up cause Im never gunna get back to 65kilos, then I think dont be so fucking stupid.


I was fixing walls today, 15yo punch marks ect, I have so much damage to my things its not funny. I bought a new lounge suite the other week and he fucking kiked it so hard this morning, it lifted off the ground, now there is a stretch mark on the fabric....

We have a Youth Justice Conference tomorow for the assalt he did....yes, isnt that just wonderful, anyway he has to take responibility for what he has done and there is punishment, I have already told them I want him to have anger managment clasess and councilling, he needs a lot more than that but it is a start, he doesnt go to school, dropped out and told me he is not going to Tafe, well I have news for him, I am ordering that in the punishment to, he doesnt listen to me so he will have to listen to the law, if he doesnt follow through and do everything ordered, he is straight to court. He is sooooo disrespectful to me and he now calls me a fuckhead, the feeling is mutual Im afraid, Ive had just about as much as I can take right now. I actually hate my life, Im not a happy person at all, just a kranky old mother. I often think it would be better for all involved if I wasnt here. I would never do anything stupid though, to selfish, plus I have 3 others to be here for. Would be an easy way out though....but I have to many lose ends ect, couldnt do it to my parents...bit of a cop out anyway.

FAT

fat fat fat... I will never be thin enough. errggghhh Im so bloated and just plain YUK

No walk tonight as Im buggered.

Had to go to the Barbers tinight and just waych a Flatop...looks easy enough?? lol

weightloss takes soooooooo long...Im just kicking myself I have to go through this shit again. I was thin . but as usual I fucked it up.

weigh in

yay..

Lost 1.7 this week

69.6...thats almost 68!!!!!!!!!! then that will be 67...and then fucking 66!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll get there my 3 little followers..I'll get there:)

65...here. i. come.

weigh in tomorow..............

I finally spiked this morning....700grams!!!!!! dam

never mind, bound to happen though...went for a walk last night. will go again tonight. all good.

still lose sumthing!!

going soooo well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

69.6 this morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I dont even have to weigh in til Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!! Im waiting for a spike but so far (touch wood) it hasnt happened????/ Ususally I go up and down and up again...its frustrating and it pisses me off, nit this week...do you think its cuz 1. I actually exercising and 2 Im eating nothing but fresh, unprocessed food????? I wonder...

So as of today I have 2kilos to go to get back to what I was at for aggggeeeesssss 67.5!!!!!!!!

OK, so last night... I ended up wearing 3/4 black tights, and an orangy colour dress/top thing, sleeveless, and high heels...I looked ok, not the best but passable....Im still a little funny shaped so hmm, I;ll get there!

I ordered Beer battered Barramundi, fresh as and a green salad and chunky wedges, great portion controll, there was about 8 chips and I ate 6, not garlic bread or drink!...really small meal though for $18!!.. I was really hungry when I got home after the play so I had a coffee and a piece of toast with peanut butter, the only bread I have had all week, and I still weighed lighter this morning!! yayayayayay!!!!!

Now as for the play.... It was called The Vagina Monologues......hmmmm, very sad really, it was based on women around the world and the sexual suffering they are subjected to, oh dear, some of the statistics we were told made my eyes well up and I had to fight with myself not to cry...very sad and I am VERY VERY greatful for my counrty. Im not going to go into any of it as, Im afraid, Ide rather not think about it. Fucking horrible what some men can do to a women........

Well Im going in to my mums today to cut her hair and just visit...P stayed in there since Friday, I didnt want her here on her own when I went to work and last night when I went out, then we are going to the shopping centre to find a photoshop program or the like!!

I did 3 ladies haircurs this week. I cut about 15cms off a ladies hair yesterday!!! It was past her waist and I cut it up to just under where the bra strap is....scarrrrryyyyy!!!!!!!!!!! Good though:)

Hmm

Im just watching Biggest Loser and I think Michelle Bridges has had another Boob job!Shes huge...gawd....nice body and now she has better boobs!!lol...must be good to have money to piss away hey! Ide like my rack fixed up to where it was 16 years ago!!!lol I crack myself up!

I went for another walk tonight, 30 mins..Im so glad Im in this headspace now. I dont really want to get all negative and shit, but I look yukky and flabby and thats not what I want, I want to be fit and healthy and toned and strong. I will, I tell myself that all the time, only in me head of course, dont want to sound to uppety..hehe

Im going out tomorow night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with the girls from work, we are having dinner and then going to a play...I cant wait, I havent been out for over a year with girlfriends..even though I work with these ones!! It will be really good, the litlies are at their dads, P is at mums and N is almost 16, I think he'll be right!! I have nothing to wear as everything is still a bit small, ok a LOT small, I threw out all me fat 70kilos+ clothes years ago...grrrrr, Im not buying anything though, that would be a waste, so I'll have a look in that cupboard in a min.....I want to look nice and I will wear heeeeelsssssss...my fave!! Love high shoes, Im a giraffe, but who cares, whats another 10cms?? Actually Ive shrunk a little.I was 173cms, now Im 172cms?? Cool, so by the time Im at a good height for heels I'll be to old!!lol

mmm looking at Shannon on Loser now...WHAT A HOT SPECIMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

K Im off to see what I can wear.......

this is AWESOME

Im on fire!!!!!! Im loving my new mind set, I went grocery shopping after work STARVING and I bought a protien bar, instead of a fucking chocolate, I looked at all the nice cheeses and yummy frozen meals..I bought 2 ww ones and thought about thwm but opted for eggs and bacon with no fat on it...true Atkins syle, no carbs, so all good. No walk tonight but went around 2 grocery stores, stupid me thought I might try Aldi,,, again...but Im sick of trying that place time and time again and not gettting everything I need... frustrating... anyway, so I walked there then stupid woolies.


Im gunna get toned and thin again!!.


LOVING IT