dropping off

well Im trying to make sure I eat but I just dont have an appetite, I dropped down to 70.5kilos this morning..now Im afraid Im not losing it the right way..I guess I just have to force myself to eat.

Now the nerves have started again in the morning, always in the early hours when I wake up and my tummy just churns with nerves..I dont want to go through all this again, Ive been there before because of him..bloody hell I wanted to kill myself..I cant go through that again and neither can my parents...

I have to drop the kids off to him this morning and Ive asked him not to come down, I just cant look at him at the moment....I will get better though..I just have to keep telling myself that he didnt want to burden himself with me, he has said his house is his, he only wanst to be finacially responsible for his 2 children ect...I'll be strong. and he dropped Pep like a hot potoato....

So food today
1/2 cup of tea..Im not even enjoying that now
small bowl of cereal
banana and rice cakes
apple
brocholi and pumpkin on toast for dinner..I bought some chick breast and I'll try to cook that but I doubt I will.

well I cooked pork chops instead and managed one of those. Ive just done 20mins of fast walking to..Im feeling better, I sent a text of what I was feeling and he just said our personallitys clash..whatever..I think my nerves in the morning are just cause Im scared of what is around the corner..Ive been comfortable with the same man for 8 years and now I have to start all over again....but it will be fine, I will stay friends with him and be civil for the children, but it will be hard and Im a jealous person, but that will pass.

I have a lot to offer and deep down I am a nice person. Someone will apreciate me one day..3rd time lucky eh?