sad sad place

im a blubbering mess and shouldnt be writing here but i may feel better



I have divorced my husband, well I have signed and im waiting for him to sign and that will be the end...this is sad in itself..not sure why i feel like this but i do..



he has a new girfriend and my kids have met her and she has bought them things and she did my daughters hair..this makes me sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo angry..



we spoke about introducing the kids to people and decided against it..well thats what i thought..im fucking devastated...I have been so good latley with my confidance and feeling good about myself..but now after this I feel like im back in Feb last year and not wanting to be here..i had to pick them up from his house the arvo and once again I couldnt eben look at him..i was fucking crying for fuck sake....i think Im just jealous...it cant be anything else right?



The thing is, thats really upsetting me is the fact that this new bitch has 2 children....he couldnt even commit back to me, and we had a family for 7 years.....i just wonder what is wrong with me? i must be just a horrible person...i just feel like im ugly and fat and now I'll be left on the shelf....what is it that i just cant be happy in life?

I just want to be happy and share my life with someone....i have no one to talk to when the kids go to bed...

ive been on a few dates..but they never call me back...whuch is good cuz I havent clicked with anyone yet....

ive got such a headache errgghhh...anyway...i'll be right


right?

well thanks for nuthing!!!!!!!

well whatever..i cant get duramine...wtf??/ apparently Im not FAT enough...thats his opinion...certainly not mine...whatever mate...

my BMI is ok
my height to weight is ok
blah blah blah

so Im gunna go on shakes..starve myself.. im going to the gym in the morning to kane myself on cardio..i have 6 days before my next date and i need to get thinner...noone likes a fat girl and thats exactly what I am.....geez..its hard to lose this last bit of weight...im up and down like a fucking yo yo....71-73..up and down..shits me..im not putting in 100%..only 50% and that aint gunna cut it.

I find out about my new car tomorow..im not hopeful that i will get a loan..but heres hoping!!

im going to the dr to see if he will give me duramine....or im gunna starve myself

im hopeless

and Im huge

Im fat and ugly


and now depressed




* on a better note..i filed for divorce