we went out for dinner and had pizza Friday night and I am paying for it now.....73.2 to be exact.....hmm big let down there.

Back on track now though, and a little hiccup isnt gunna put me off, I guess I have a different attitude, I will still enjoy food..(although, clearly a little to much over the weekend) but I will really watch myself to, I have said it before, I will never give up any of my faves, I really love chocolate, but just more in moderation blah blah, it really is common sense......

I still cannot get motivated for exercise which is a shame, not gunna complain or winge, it is my own fault...Im lazy...Im also tired!!

Just more incedental exercise.

Anyway todays food

Coffee
cereal and skim milk
apricots and almonds
vegies
banana
necterine

not sure on dinner yet?? maybe chicken and salad.

Who knows what weigh in is gunna be on Friday?? But I wont get detered, I will just keep going... even if it takes me 6 months to lose the 5kilos I put on...its all good!

ww=weight loss

No brainer there really!! Ive been back on good old trusty Weight Watchers this past 2 weeks, well more so this week, and low and behold a loss.......go figure, this shit really does work!!

Mind you I did only lose 700grams, but hey its a loss and Im happy. I need to lose 1.9 this week as our work Xmas party is on and I bought an awesome pair of satin heels in red and I want to look half way decent.

My typical day of food is this

coffee
cereal
apricots and almonds
vegies or salad
fruit
then a low fat dinner of whatever I make.

Some days I alternate my lunch with premiums and tomato and salmon. YUM

So I havent started exercise yet, that will come, Im doing more incedental exercise, weight watchiiens know alllll about this and it works, I will need to tone up though.

Im not doing the reward system like I did before, my reward will be to get back to bloody 67kilos!!

oh man...

Oh man...Oh jeez...I didnt lose anything...nuthing...NUTH...THING...this week...i actually behaved myself, nearly all week... but as I went thru my week, meal by meal, bit by bit I think i can tweek it here and there.... I also worked out I was only 80% good...lol:)

Sooooo. last Monday I was 72.7...holy crap.

and this week Im......72.7....grrrr I was soooooooo dissapointed considering I did actually try this week...anyway, you know what, Im not gunna let it get me down...I did the groceries today and I bought healthy stuff again and I'll try again this week.

sigh and sigh some more...never mind, tomorow is another week starting...

So my meals will go sumfink like this

B- cereal and skim milk
snack- fruit
L-brocholi and cauli and cuppa soup.
snack- almonds and apricots
Dinner- vegies and whatever meat I cook for the family.

I will just change it a bit here and there with Baked beans and salmon and tuna on premium crackers...
we'll see next week.

Oh oh and also I need fucking exercise...YUK...hmmmm great, can never get away with that one I guess...........

I need some bloody scales to!

2nd day down

woo hoo, on track for the second day...doesnt seem like a lot, but for me at the moment, its an achievement by itself!

Im doing good so far.....ive been having shakes and good food.

my menu today
coffee
shake
yoghurt
coffee
shake
premiums with tomatoes
chicken and vegie soup...(which was Cambells and YUK)
Skim Cappucino

*2 squares of chocolate

hehe..will never give up my beloved chocolate Im afraid, but instead of eating the whole frickin block I'll eat 2 squares!!

I took my measurement...hmm, not good. But in another few weeks they will come down Im sure. My hips are HUGE again...ive had this debate before and I dont care what anyone says, they get bigger! Well not the hips themselves, but the FAT surrounding it... Im very wide at the moment. I lookd terrible in skirts and pants, well everything...lol Im working on it!!

Excersise is the next thing I need to address. Hate, hate hate it!

Anyway.... work is great, I let an opportunity slip right by today and Im kicking myself, an older lady came in and wanted just a trim and I didnt jump to it.....grrrr, lesson learnt. Just need to get over me fear and cut!! I did a ladies layered haircut today, our Tafe teacher comes out to us and she said it was really good. PHEW!

Done with Errors!!!

Aint that the truth!..aww well as usual the week starts out really well, but then the days progress and well the rest is history.

So I bought some more Protien powder from the Body Building shop and I am determined to stick to it this week. week by week day at a time. Not sure where me head is at but it will get there right? YES. IT. WILL.

I went shopping today and bought all good and healthy food to go with it. One of my girls at the salon is doing a program from the chemist and she has lost a bit so far...you would think that would get my ass into gear hey??? It will, I now have to prove I can do it again.

Did it before, will do it again.

Such a shame, this weight battle that us women have...we, for some unknown reason, think we have to be as beautiful and thin as alllll the celebs on the tele. They are not real, I mean shit I have had 4 kids, im in my mid 30's, my life is beginning to show on my face and all I can think about is how I need to be thinner than the next chic. I wont be happy till Im at fucking 65 again...but you know what? I went all the way to 63kilos.....looked gaunt and ugly and quite drawn and I still saw fat...now is that fucked up or what.!!

I know I have to be happy in myself before I can actually love myself if that makes sense...truth is I hate myself, I am an emotional eater and have battled many emotions in the last year....to the point of wanting to die, which would be very selfish of me to leave the kids motherless, hense, I wont go down that path...although it would be an easy option, Im a coward. anyway enuff of that...I dont have those thoughts now so never fear, Im not gunna off myself anytime soon.

The only thong I want of myself is the few kilos Ive accumilated over the last 5 months.

I will measure myself in the morning...thats gunna suck, but my scales are in the bin outside as they broke, so I have to wait to save for a good set.. I want the WW ones, they are good. Last look I was at least 72.2...dam fuck and bugga!

onward, tomorow is a new day. a new week and a new challange for me.

eeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!

My god we've had a big weekend foodwise...went away so we ate very well....................anyway onward.

Im getting heavy and slow and just plain fucking yuk, so Ive decided to start back on my shakes just to give it a quick start.....i need to get to 70kilos first and then re-evaluate. I looked really good at 67kilos, but small steps I think.

So I have to go and buy some more tomorow, its $130 for 3kilos of the protein powder. Way cheaper than some of the other over marketed shit out there. Its from a body building shop. all good.

I dont even want to weigh in tomomorow cause Im gunna be huge. So I think I wont? My scales are fucked anyway and that will really mess my head up if it says 73kilos. But I know I will jump on them, cause I cant help my fat self! Anyway we'll see, Ive done a lot of damage to myself in the last 6 months so I need to refocus. Not that I care all that much at the moment..well I do but I dont if that makes sense? I dont want to be fat and ugly, as in fat on me is ugly and this blog is soley about myself and my thoughts...in my mind me fat = UGLY. anyway I sorta do care but dont. I dont need to impress anyone, Ive had children and Im womanly...how funny. This is how Im telling myself its ok to be this heavy...NOT its just plain yuk and I worked so hard to get to 67 in the first place....4months later Im back up there to 72.5.

So shakes it is!