eeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!

My god we've had a big weekend foodwise...went away so we ate very well....................anyway onward.

Im getting heavy and slow and just plain fucking yuk, so Ive decided to start back on my shakes just to give it a quick start.....i need to get to 70kilos first and then re-evaluate. I looked really good at 67kilos, but small steps I think.

So I have to go and buy some more tomorow, its $130 for 3kilos of the protein powder. Way cheaper than some of the other over marketed shit out there. Its from a body building shop. all good.

I dont even want to weigh in tomomorow cause Im gunna be huge. So I think I wont? My scales are fucked anyway and that will really mess my head up if it says 73kilos. But I know I will jump on them, cause I cant help my fat self! Anyway we'll see, Ive done a lot of damage to myself in the last 6 months so I need to refocus. Not that I care all that much at the moment..well I do but I dont if that makes sense? I dont want to be fat and ugly, as in fat on me is ugly and this blog is soley about myself and my thoughts...in my mind me fat = UGLY. anyway I sorta do care but dont. I dont need to impress anyone, Ive had children and Im womanly...how funny. This is how Im telling myself its ok to be this heavy...NOT its just plain yuk and I worked so hard to get to 67 in the first place....4months later Im back up there to 72.5.

So shakes it is!