Done with Errors!!!

Aint that the truth!..aww well as usual the week starts out really well, but then the days progress and well the rest is history.

So I bought some more Protien powder from the Body Building shop and I am determined to stick to it this week. week by week day at a time. Not sure where me head is at but it will get there right? YES. IT. WILL.

I went shopping today and bought all good and healthy food to go with it. One of my girls at the salon is doing a program from the chemist and she has lost a bit so far...you would think that would get my ass into gear hey??? It will, I now have to prove I can do it again.

Did it before, will do it again.

Such a shame, this weight battle that us women have...we, for some unknown reason, think we have to be as beautiful and thin as alllll the celebs on the tele. They are not real, I mean shit I have had 4 kids, im in my mid 30's, my life is beginning to show on my face and all I can think about is how I need to be thinner than the next chic. I wont be happy till Im at fucking 65 again...but you know what? I went all the way to 63kilos.....looked gaunt and ugly and quite drawn and I still saw fat...now is that fucked up or what.!!

I know I have to be happy in myself before I can actually love myself if that makes sense...truth is I hate myself, I am an emotional eater and have battled many emotions in the last year....to the point of wanting to die, which would be very selfish of me to leave the kids motherless, hense, I wont go down that path...although it would be an easy option, Im a coward. anyway enuff of that...I dont have those thoughts now so never fear, Im not gunna off myself anytime soon.

The only thong I want of myself is the few kilos Ive accumilated over the last 5 months.

I will measure myself in the morning...thats gunna suck, but my scales are in the bin outside as they broke, so I have to wait to save for a good set.. I want the WW ones, they are good. Last look I was at least 72.2...dam fuck and bugga!

onward, tomorow is a new day. a new week and a new challange for me.